WHAT WE'RE ABOUT
We are constantly redefining our own perspectives, and therefore tend to write a lot about our personal experiences. Many followers and contributors are living with anorexia, bulimia, body dysmorphic disorder, depression, and a variety of other body image disorders or mental illnesses, so please be respectful and remember that health applies differently to everyone. Any and all potentially triggering content will be prefaced with a trigger warning.
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We are not health professionals. Any and all advice provided on this blog is supported only by our own research, studies, and personal experiences; nothing more.
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The absolutely beautiful and fabulous Rachele from Near Sighted Owl has started something brilliant that I think everyone needs to know about.
Each week, I will be sharing a lesson that you can use to work towards loving your fat body, living a fierce life and feeling confident. This is a 52 week ECourse about fat acceptance, activism and fatshion. You can watch the vlog and read along and then you will be given an assignment and an opportunity to discuss it with me and other readers. You will also be prompted with some discussion questions. There will be room for all levels of body positive advocates to participate. This will be a chance to focus in on a specific aspect of fat acceptance and fatshion so that you can integrate it into your life and be a fat bitch too!
A fat bitch is confident, out-spoken and proud of who she is. The word bitch has been used by feminists as a way to reclaim an insult used to demean our cause. Let’s get started!
To learn more and register (for free!) click here!
First assignment?
Write down 5 things that you are going to do that make you happy. Not “even though you are fat” but because you are fat and awesome. 5 things that have nothing to do with trying for the sake of others. 5 things for yourself and your well being. Like “go out dancing and actually dance”, “throw away my scale”, “make something yummy and bring it to work to share”, “join a yoga class” and “wear that tight leopard skirt”.
Loving the HELL out of this already!
This looks like a really wonderful worksheet/exercise to perform for those struggling with breaking down anxious or depressive thoughts. Definitely saving this for my own personal use, especially those panic situations that seem ENDLESS.
In the case that you need medication and cannot afford it, check out needymeds and the medicine program which offer free or really discounted meds for people who need them. Also, check out this post.
For therapy, look around your area for group sessions, which tend to cost less than one-on-one sessions with a therapist/counsellor.
Use psychology today or therapist-finder to find therapists in your area and ask them about their rates. There are some therapists [especially those who are doing well financially] that will offer “sliding rates” where they will accept cash payments on a scale that depends on your current financial situation. Not all therapists or counselling providers offer this though so check around and call local crisis centers or your insurance provider [if you have one]
If you do not have issue with going to a church or religious institution for counselling/therapy…. your church or synagogue [or other institution] could put you in touch with a pastoral counselling program. Certified pastoral counselors, who are ministers in a recognized religious body, have advanced degrees in pastoral counseling, as well as professional counseling experience. Pastoral counseling is often provided on a sliding-scale fee. For more information check out the American Association of Pastoral Counselors.
Another thing to try are community health or community mental health centers. Like the above-mentioned places, fees are on a sliding scale based on income.
Try to connect with groups like mentalhealthamerica, which provide services and resources at a low cost. They also help people navigate the health system and problem solve.
Also keep in mind that at large research universities, they often have counselling available for students and others at low costs or, again, on sliding scales.
Check out a women’s shelter or crisis center in your area for additional specific resources and information on free support or self help groups. These shelters and centers should also have information on people of low income or in bad financial situation.
Stay strong you all!
There is help and hope out there. And there are always free online support groups [and our ask box is always open]
be kind to yourselves <3 and don’t hesitate to ask for help! you’re all worth it ~
-safet
Here are also some USA based resources I have found:
- Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) The Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services is a federal agency responsible for administering Medicare, Medicaid, State Children’s Health Insurance (SCHIP) and several other programs that help people pay for health care.
- Healthcare Services Locator The Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA) provides a Health Center Database for a nationwide directory of clinics to obtain low or no-cost healthcare.
- The Partnership for Prescription Assistance The Partnership for Prescription Assistance helps qualifying patients without prescription drug coverage get the medicines they need through the program that is right for them. Many will get their medications free or nearly free.
- Benefits for People with Disabilities The Social Security and Supplemental Security Income disability programs are the largest of several Federal programs that provide assistance to people with disabilities.
So, I’m starting off my week with a therapy session after work, then heading to a yoga class with my besties: Cleansing the mind and nourishing the body in preparation for the holiday-food-related guilt sure to come.
I am looking forward to making this a continual thing, to face the coming weeks with optimism and healthy rituals to keep me strong. I think it will be necessary.
Let this be a reminder to myself and anyone else struggling right now:
Do whatever you need to do to remain upright and real, to keep from being knocked on your ass from the expectations of others, as well as that internal voice of shame that is sometimes harder to silence than anything else.
Find good things and pursue them. You deserve to be selfish, you really do.
Just in case y’all were wondering…
The one-two-punch of an intense therapy session followed by a good yoga class is like fifty different kinds of brilliant.
I feel like a goddess.
So, I’m starting off my week with a therapy session after work, then heading to a yoga class with my besties: Cleansing the mind and nourishing the body in preparation for the holiday-food-related guilt sure to come.
I am looking forward to making this a continual thing, to face the coming weeks with optimism and healthy rituals to keep me strong. I think it will be necessary.
Let this be a reminder to myself and anyone else struggling right now:
Do whatever you need to do to remain upright and real, to keep from being knocked on your ass from the expectations of others, as well as that internal voice of shame that is sometimes harder to silence than anything else.
Find good things and pursue them. You deserve to be selfish, you really do.
My thoughts are coming from an odd place after a very emotionally fucked up day and I will not excuse them. This is a safe space. I built this space for safeness. I’m telling myself these things to help convince myself to publish this entry after I write it. I really feel like raw words are important, the act of pushing unfiltered thoughts out into the world is overwhelming but therapeutic. I want everyone to feel they can and should push back with their own by letting their words fly.
I have consumed three donuts and a mug full of Chocolate Therapy ice cream (edited to add:) over the course of a six hour period. I am wrapped in a quilt, painting my fingernails, smoking cigarettes, and dabbing my body with ointments and oils. I much prefer turning to sweets, science fiction thrillers, and other forms of self indulgence than the alternative - that certain path to destruction.
As addiction and substance abuse is so prevalent in my family, indulgent self-care has literally saved my life. I have had close calls with addiction - it is an ever-looming presence - but I have mostly managed to keep it at bay within my own life.
This is the first time I’ve ever acknowledged these things and it feels so right to express, like I kind of knew it for a long time but needed more perspective to comprehend it.
Instead of a cycle of self-destructive hell made worse by my clinical depression and anxiety, I actually allow myself the guilt-free beautiful pleasure of being a fucking sloth - because I’ve damn we’ll earned it.
I work hard, I play hard, I love hard, I feel hard. I absolutely deserve punctuated days of soft and sweet lackadaisical luxury and will attest to the fact that time you enjoy wasting is not time wasted. It is important and vital to mental wellness.
I hold onto cigarettes as a bittersweet vice that I’ve maintained since high school. I claim no reason to defend my habits. I inhale 3-5 a day, some days none, some days more. I’ll go days without thinking to light one up. I’ll try going a few weeks without. I’ll smoke two packs over the course of a weekend. Today, I’ve had three.
I eat sweets. I eat all kinds of food and my eating habits are sound, but on the days I need to be kind to myself - I am particularly sure to include chocolate. (FYI - The Balanced Movement proclaims October 7th - 14th as Treat Yourself Week. Treat. Yo. Self.)
My addictions could be something else. They could be destructive, harbored in bottled up pools of mentally ill fuckery; the kind that smells of bourbon and bad dreams. But they aren’t. They consist of indulgence, smokey vices, foods, grooming, and good films. They are my own, they are for me, they heal.
I am so fortunate to be able to express, feel, understand, comprehend, treat myself, treat others, and love until my ribcage swells out from the pressure of my overzealous heart.
There are much worse ways to exist in this world.
Whatever you’re feeling, where ever you are, no matter your state…If your thoughts become too much and you don’t know what to do with what’s going on in your brain, speak out loud. Communicate, interact, yell, rage, bounce words around, listen and articulate. Put it out there and let it come back. A good chat can heal you.
I’ve made up my own special kind of yoga/meditation hybrid form of self care therapy that calls for abundant belly roll exposure, Hepburn and Bogart dancing in black and white on my laptop, and not leaving my bed. Highly recommend.
TW: Medical fat shaming, fitspo, and mental health discussion.
So, after a year of being in denial about my mental health, I went to see my psychiatrist and my therapist yesterday.
I saw them separately, first my psychiatrist and then my therapist.
It was interesting to compare the two sessions - the medical versus mental approaches.
When my psychiatrist asked me about my weight, I knew the conversation would take a nosedive. From that point forward, half of what he told me and/or scolded me about was weight-related.
“You know, your BMI is worrying.”
“You know, you could lose the weight if you tried.”
“You know, just be more active.”
I shrugged the comments off and said simply, “I don’t mind my weight, it’s a non-issue. My concern is with being healthy and feeling better.”
He looked at me like what I was saying was some alien concept and continued to press his body shaming diagnosis.
“You should see your family doctor and rule out any weight-related issues.”
I was about to tell him I’d had everything checked out recently and happened to be quite healthy, but he ushered me out the door.
Fast forward to the conversation I had with my therapist wherein she asks me what the doctor had discussed with me. I told her about the weight comments and she actually laughed and sighed with exasperation.
She said, “I want you to disregard everything he told you. It’s not the right way to think about your health. You need to do what’s best for you, and what’s best for you is not focusing on weight loss - it’s focusing on your health. They aren’t one in the same.”
This was nothing I hadn’t heard before obviously, but coming from her, in that moment, after what I had just experienced with the MD - the words carried more weight than ever before. We continued to have a very empowering conversation about health and activity that made me feel better than I had in ages.
I was shocked that body shaming of any kind would be brought into the conversation by my psychiatrist, a professional whose goal is to support and diagnose mental illnesses. If I had been in a more damaged frame of mind, his comments might have made me second guess everything about myself and my body. It may have triggered me into regressing back to hating my body and blaming myself. I fear for his patients who may not have found body acceptance.
This is why focusing on weight loss as a goal for a fatty with anxiety and depression is impractical, for ME. I need to remove weight loss from the picture entirely and focus just on what feels right. I can not afford for my body ideal to be grounded in physicality. Instead, it’s grounded in mental health and wellness because that is what I need to concentrate on in order to find happiness and contentment.
I’ve received a lot of messages regarding my fitspo-related content wherein commenters fail to empathize with my inability to focus on weight loss. Instead they turn it around to make it all about them, blaming me for “shaming people who are trying to shape their bodies to match their ideal self-image”, when that is simply untrue.
Contrary to what people may have taken away from my previous post, I have not and will never judge anyone for wanting to change their appearance. Wanting to change your body does not mean that you hate it - but not wanting to change it doesn’t mean that you hate it, either.
If others can find happiness in their journey to attaining an ideal self image, I am not about to shame them for their privilege of being able to do so - but that privilege needs to be recognized.
All I want is to incite a level of understanding from the fitspo community that while their methods may be right for them, it is not a universally healthy way of thinking for everyone. Because health is different for everyone. Because attaining a “fit and lean” body type is a privilege that should not and can not be expected of everyone.
Sometimes I wonder if being this honest about my physical and mental health in such a public space is worth it. There were a few times this week where I considered putting this blog on hiatus for a while.
But when I get messages from people recovering from eating disorders and struggling with mental disabilities or body dismorphia telling me how much my words mean to them, how much they can relate and are touched by what I am saying, I am reminded why this is all worth it.
I’ll continue to keep my heart on my sleeve and my thoughts in the open.