TW: Health shaming
Do not make assumptions about my lifestyle under the guise of being concerned about my health, especially when I did not ask for your opinion.
YOU DON’T KNOW ME LIKE I DO. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Let me just expand on this as I am slowly raging…
I witnessed the comment bomb Haley here is talking about, and personally know it all too well myself. Earlier in the year when I was trying to eat and move correctly I posted some things about the difficulties, especially in exercise, and I got a slew of comments by (mostly men) people who (I think) were just trying to help. (and it was a guy in her case, too. News flash, guys…..men’s and women’s bodies are way different.)
The healthy reaction to this situation, emotionally, is to just accept that people are generally trying to help you. Their methods may suck and they may be dense in the awareness department, but to get angry for genuinely good intentions is not healthy at all. A LOT of people think that they = everyone else, and that what helped them MUST help everyone else in the same way. Their ego is up front and center in this case, it is really quite ridiculous. But because their ego wants to be the center of attention doesn’t mean your ego has to be defensive. Yes, their comments can be insulting and make you feel like crap…..but only if YOU let YOURSELF see the comments in that way. If you look at the comments without the ego veil, you will likely see that 1) people are generally concerned for you and are trying to help, and that 2) people who don’t get it after a while are douchebags. And -they- are the ones with the problem, not you!
When someone decides to come into MY personal online space (Facebook profile) and shame me about my body size and lifestyle habits, I see nothing helpful about that. When I tell that person that I don’t appreciate their concern or their comments and they continue to press their body-shaming bullshit, I don’t HAVE to deal with it and write it off as “oh, they’re only trying to help” - because if they really wanted to help and understand, they would fucking listen to me, or shut the fuck up.
My body and lifestyle habits are not up for public criticism. I do not exist for other people to tell me how to live and what to do and what would be best for me. I know my body better than anyone else. I’ll do with it as I please.
I am allowed to get angry when I express myself and I’m not being heard. I am allowed to get defensive when someone tries to project their own isolated thoughts about what it means to be healthy onto me, without permission. I don’t have to listen to it or sit back and let it happen, and I’m not going to.
I understand where you are coming from, but I will not sit idly by and accept peoples shaming comments as “concern” - They are straight up harmful and inconsiderate, no matter what intent is behind it all.
For years, I let other people walk all over me. I worried about what they thought. I worried about pleasing them. I’m fucking done going down that road paved with self-hatred and pent-up despair. I’m letting it all out and telling everyone to fuck right off, because I’m good with who I am. I own myself, my body, and my mind. That is all I need.
This is exactly what I was talking about earlier in regards to food and diet shaming.
My mother has always been the type to talk incessantly about her diet and exercise habits and constantly pushes it on me.
I am allowed to eat a donut if I please. She has every right in the world to not eat it, but why does her non-consumption need to be emphasized? Why do people feel they need to let other people know when they believe the other person is being “unhealthy”?
I know she’s playing, but it’s bullshit. I just want this way of thinking to stop existing. Not because it’s spoiling my custard-filled dreams, but because it feeds into this notion that people are allowed to shame and guilt you into living a certain way.