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We are constantly redefining our own perspectives, and therefore tend to write a lot about our personal experiences. Many followers and contributors are living with anorexia, bulimia, body dysmorphic disorder, depression, and a variety of other body image disorders or mental illnesses, so please be respectful and remember that health applies differently to everyone. Any and all potentially triggering content will be prefaced with a trigger warning.
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TW: Mention of dysphoria, ED
I will never congratulate you on your weight loss or give you a high-five for not eating a candy bar.
I will, however, always give you my uncensored, raw, feminist, no-bullshit, fuck-the-patriarchy, body positive views and support.
Loving who you are, the way your body is, is tough shit to do. It will be the harder than reaching your goal weight, but it, unlike your stupid diet, will last you a lifetime.
So, no… I won’t stop being who I am, responding how I do, or shoving this difficult-to-hear stuff in your face. Radical self-love, y’all. No excuses. Give it a try.
so i just saw you shame the shit out of someone who is obviously struggling, that’s definitely “supportive”
you know what’s tough? struggling with white women shaming me for not loving my body when i experience incredibly painful dysphoria, struggling with being shamed by white women about struggling to love my body as a latin@, struggling with able bodied white women shaming me for having trouble loving my disabled, hurting body.
(and you know what will last me a lifetime? my EATING DISORDER, gossshhhh.)
get your privileged head out of your privileged ass. shaming people for their goddamned choices isn’t body acceptance. shaming people for eating disorders isn’t body acceptance. shaming people for having a harder time practicing radical self love due to levels of oppression that you will never fucking understand isn’t body acceptance.
it’s just privileged bullshit.
All of dis ^
but also a lot of white fat positive folks miss the mark all the fucking time. They exclude people with EDs, disabilities, and dysphoria. They don’t understand intersectionality. Also, I find a lot of the people who say “don’t diet”, “don’t lose weight” are on the smaller end of plus size. Like some who is a 14/16/18 doesn’t have the experience of someone who is a 24/26/28. Also, if we’re being body positive we need to recognize and respect bodily autonomy. So, fuck off with shaming folks for losing weight or wanting to. Fuck off with saying people who struggle with loving their bodies are bad or weak. That’s such paternalistic bullshit. I find it really funny that a white abled-bodied cis woman who is on the small end of plus size is telling folks how to feel about their bodies and what’s right.
Commentary.
If you call yourself “body positive”, it is imperative that you do NOT:
- make fun of fat bodies
- make fun of thin bodies
- make fun of muscular bodies
- make fun of bodies without a lot of muscle
- make fun of breasts or nipples
- make fun of penis length or girth or shape or color
- make fun of labia length or color or shape
- make fun of genitals that weren’t assigned at birth
- make fun of freckles or moles or acne
- make fun of rashes or redness
- make fun of clothing choices
- make fun of haircut or style or color or texture
- make fun of piercings or gauges
- make fun of tattoos or scarification
- make fun of stretchmarks or cellulite
- make fun of “bad” teeth
- make fun of birth defects
- make fun of food choices
- make fun of makeup applications
- make fun of the lightness of skin
- make fun of the darkness of skin
- make fun of physical disabilities
- make fun of mental illnesses
- make fun of fat rolls
- make fun of visible ribs
- make fun of self harm injuries or scars
- make fun of lots of body hair
- make fun of the lack of body hair
Basically, just don’t shame anyone else’s appearance. Ever.It’s okay to have a preference (or 2 or 3 or 50.) It’s not okay to insult people who don’t match your preferences. Especially if you plaster “BODY POSITIVE” and “SELF LOVE” Blingee’s all over your page.
TW: Health shaming
Do not make assumptions about my lifestyle under the guise of being concerned about my health, especially when I did not ask for your opinion.
YOU DON’T KNOW ME LIKE I DO. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Let me just expand on this as I am slowly raging…
I…
I witnessed the comment bomb Haley here is talking about, and personally know it all too well myself. Earlier in the year when I was trying to eat and move correctly I posted some things about the difficulties, especially in exercise, and I got a slew of comments by (mostly men) people who (I think) were just trying to help. (and it was a guy in her case, too. News flash, guys…..men’s and women’s bodies are way different.)
The healthy reaction to this situation, emotionally, is to just accept that people are generally trying to help you. Their methods may suck and they may be dense in the awareness department, but to get angry for genuinely good intentions is not healthy at all. A LOT of people think that they = everyone else, and that what helped them MUST help everyone else in the same way. Their ego is up front and center in this case, it is really quite ridiculous. But because their ego wants to be the center of attention doesn’t mean your ego has to be defensive. Yes, their comments can be insulting and make you feel like crap…..but only if YOU let YOURSELF see the comments in that way. If you look at the comments without the ego veil, you will likely see that 1) people are generally concerned for you and are trying to help, and that 2) people who don’t get it after a while are douchebags. And -they- are the ones with the problem, not you!
When someone decides to come into MY personal online space (Facebook profile) and shame me about my body size and lifestyle habits, I see nothing helpful about that. When I tell that person that I don’t appreciate their concern or their comments and they continue to press their body-shaming bullshit, I don’t HAVE to deal with it and write it off as “oh, they’re only trying to help” - because if they really wanted to help and understand, they would fucking listen to me, or shut the fuck up.
My body and lifestyle habits are not up for public criticism. I do not exist for other people to tell me how to live and what to do and what would be best for me. I know my body better than anyone else. I’ll do with it as I please.
I am allowed to get angry when I express myself and I’m not being heard. I am allowed to get defensive when someone tries to project their own isolated thoughts about what it means to be healthy onto me, without permission. I don’t have to listen to it or sit back and let it happen, and I’m not going to.
I understand where you are coming from, but I will not sit idly by and accept peoples shaming comments as “concern” - They are straight up harmful and inconsiderate, no matter what intent is behind it all.
For years, I let other people walk all over me. I worried about what they thought. I worried about pleasing them. I’m fucking done going down that road paved with self-hatred and pent-up despair. I’m letting it all out and telling everyone to fuck right off, because I’m good with who I am. I own myself, my body, and my mind. That is all I need.
Really grinds my gears when people resort to fat-shaming. FFS.
This is exactly what I was talking about earlier in regards to food and diet shaming.
My mother has always been the type to talk incessantly about her diet and exercise habits and constantly pushes it on me.
I am allowed to eat a donut if I please. She has every right in the world to not eat it, but why does her non-consumption need to be emphasized? Why do people feel they need to let other people know when they believe the other person is being “unhealthy”?
I know she’s playing, but it’s bullshit. I just want this way of thinking to stop existing. Not because it’s spoiling my custard-filled dreams, but because it feeds into this notion that people are allowed to shame and guilt you into living a certain way.