Anonymous asked redefiningbodyimage:

I am often guilty of misusing the “I feel fat” moniker that we’ve been taught to use. But sometimes, I am simply describing myself as fat (because I am and it’s an accurate description). I once had a friend reply, “…but you’re nice.” It’s probably the funniest thing that’s ever happened to me, but I think it shows and underlines how uncomfortable almost everyone feels with the idea of fat as a descriptor rather than a definer.

Well, when you describe yourself as fat, that’s much different than describing how you feel. “I’m fat” = “My body is fat.” This is fact and description. “I feel fat” = “I feel all of these things that are associated with the word fat, which are more often than not horrible things.” It’s making “fat” a catch-all word that could mean so many things.

“I feel fat and FABULOUS”, however, would be a method of turning it around so that it’s less about implying one thing about the word and more about being obvious about it by tying it to a positive adjective. Although I really still just take issue with using the word “fat” in correlation with how I feel anyway, for personal reasons.

I would rather say “I am fat and I feel fabulous” or “I am fat and I feel horrible” because it is the most accurate. It separates one from the other. You can still express emotions about your fat body without saying “I feel fat.” I hope I’m making sense.

Your example about someone basically mistaking “fat” to mean “not nice” is indeed ridiculous, but interesting. The ways words work is always the most fascinating and frustrating thing in the world to me. Seriously! Also, tone is important.

A friend once asked to look at my work badge with a photo of my face on it. I had the photo taken really early in the morning and I was exceptionally puffy-eyed and weird looking and sometimes feel weird about it. I’m trying my best to accept and embrace my awkward fat face as it appears in different forms and angles in photographs, my body as well. But I still ended up saying something like “my face looks exceptionally fat” in a tone that was less than enthusiastic, like a reflex. I mean of course it looks fat, it is fat! It is what it is! That dismissive tone is just so natural sometimes because it’s like I’ve been programmed to respond in that way.

That was a few months ago and I’ve already made some huge strides, I feel, in distinguishing some important feelings about my body.

I’ve concluded that it just makes more sense to me to look at “fat” as a part of me, a naturally occurring thing, and try to separate it from my neuroses and emotions.

The other weekend I spent time with some of my oldest and dearest friends who I love like my own family and will always love. We were all caught in some strange awkward moment wherein the smiles on our faces obviously display our discontent for being captured.

That’s me in the center. My usual impulse to excuse my red skin, thick arms, double chin, red face, messy unwashed hair and awkward smile still exists. But really the main thing in the forefront of my mind is that when I look at this picture I just think “I love that we are all beautiful weirdos” - because we are. This is just me and two of my best girls in our environment. I would rather focus on that than anything else.

I used to dive out of photos to avoid being captured and I fully regret that now. In most photos from high school that my friends and I used to take, I can look at one, point off into the void where there is no more photo and say “I was over there!”

No more hiding and no more editing, my body and face and appearance are what they are, so best to specify. I am fat. I am awkward. This is how I look.

And right now, I feel pretty good about all of that.

:x

Went on a bit of a tangent, but thank you so much for contributing. As soon as I read your message I thought “I’m about to talk all over the shop” - you got my brain buzzin! <3