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We are constantly redefining our own perspectives, and therefore tend to write a lot about our personal experiences. Many followers and contributors are living with anorexia, bulimia, body dysmorphic disorder, depression, and a variety of other body image disorders or mental illnesses, so please be respectful and remember that health applies differently to everyone. Any and all potentially triggering content will be prefaced with a trigger warning.
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So Richard Griffiths sadly passed away. You may know him as the man who played Vernon Dursley. A great actor, both on film and stage.
Slate did an article about his death and spent most of it talking about how fat he was, remarking that while his performances on stage were magical, the writer always wondered if he’d survive until curtain.
SO fucked up. No matter what we do with our lives, no many how many remarkable things we do, people never want to look past our fat.
“How did he die?”
“I don’t know, why does it matter?”
“Bet it was because he was fat.”
LOOK AT WHAT THIS MAN HAS DONE IN HIS LIFE AND TRY TO TELL ME WHY THAT FUCKING MATTERS.
Discussions here on RBI sometimes become quite heated or involve opinions that are near and dear to our hearts. We are passionate people, it’s true, and I encourage that passion.
But please DO NOT LET YOUR PASSION FOR THE ISSUES WE DISCUSS DRIVE YOUR HATE.
I have had a number of people come back to me after a heated discussion or a critical comment I’ve made turns into a barrage of hate mail (from my followers) flooding their inbox. It worries me how my intentions can be turned around and repurposed in such a way by others.
It’s kind of a huge problem that I’ve been trying to figure out how to address because I mean, I don’t have the power to control the actions of others - but I shouldn’t feel like I have to! I can only insist that we not spread hate or bombard others with harmful words.
Bottom line: I do not support internet bullies, I support authentic conversation.
Rage is sometimes appropriate and I fully support a person’s right to feel anger, but keep it within your own space or at the very least try to stop that rage short of turning to hate before you send a message to another person.
There is nothing constructive about being intentionally hurtful. Please stop.
TW: Health shaming
Do not make assumptions about my lifestyle under the guise of being concerned about my health, especially when I did not ask for your opinion.
YOU DON’T KNOW ME LIKE I DO. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Let me just expand on this as I am slowly raging…
I posted on Facebook this morning that I’m not feeling well. Mistake number one.
Should have known better than to incite a discussion about health on Facebook, though honestly I don’t know how making a statement about being frustrated with my health turns into an open invitation for others to make assumptions and lecture me about my lifestyle habits.
Yes, I know taking vitamins and exercise is “good” for me.
Yes, it’s lovely that you walk 2 miles twice a week and would like me to join you - but why are you assuming that I don’t already have some sort of walking regime in place?
Yes mother, I know that going outside and being consistently active could help with my conditions, thank you for the 20 texts you sent me this morning reminding me of this. Like the millions of times you brought this up in the past wasn’t enough.
What is it about me that makes people think I fucking lack common sense? Is there something about my fat body that just screams, “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE HEALTHY, PLEASE SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW”? Oh, right.
I mean, I know obviously that all of these people have my best interest in mind. As my mother puts it: “I’m a nag with good intentions.”
I’m really sorry, but the cold hard fact is - your good intentions don’t mean shit to me.
In fact, they appear to me as health shaming cloaked in “concern”.
They make me feel small.
Walking a few miles every week is great. I love walking. I’ve been walking a lot more lately. How much I walk or how often is immaterial - the point is, I move my body intuitively. I am active in ways that please me and make me feel good. You don’t need to know the details, because I don’t need your validation.
The fucking reality is, going for a walk is not going to make my fucking chronic illnesses DISAPPEAR. You can’t fix me. I can’t fix me. I can only live with what I’ve got, and I know what I’m doing more than you know what’s “best” for me.
Do not make assumptions about my lifestyle under the guise of being concerned about my health, especially when I did not ask for your opinion.
YOU DON’T KNOW ME LIKE I DO. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Go ahead and keep telling me my body is wrong, because I know the fucking truth.
I am fat.
And I am healthy.
(And even if I weren’t, self hatred isn’t the answer.)
So, fuck you.
—-
(This message brought to you by the frustratingly hateful, fear-mongering bullshit stemming from conversations on the Weight of the Nation series.)
Offering me salads, fruit salads, veg or sushi, if I refuse, probably like any other person, it’s for a good reason. Not because I’m afraid of healthy food. I am picky as FUCK when it comes to food, and to be frank, my ocd and some standards of food hygiene and preparation I witness mean I wont touch your fucking food with a bargepole.
These words. These fucking words! I am telling you now, that these words let me understand that you know fuck all about me, or my mother actually, who often hears that phrase from ‘friends’.
It makes me feel so fucking angry, I feel like kidnapping whoever it is and stuffing them in my fridge, just to prove what beautiful things I put in my body (possibly) unlike them. I hold down three fucking shelves full of fruit/veg in my fridge, I dont HAVE to prove it. But when people say “Oh, is this too healthy for you?”, it makes me feel shackled to their view of me. It fucking stings my fists into hell and animality.
I should resolve to have some witty remark and be done with staircase wit. When you react it’s an indication of a nerve hit, but when you don’t, no one learns anything.
Urgh, what do you think lovers?
wait, do people actually ask you if it’s too healthy for you?!
seriously, the amount of food shaming i come across on a daily basis (even when it just exists and is not directed towards me) severely pisses me off.