as I grew up I saw my little brothers go from pudgy pre-teens to having super muscular bodies and I thought to myself
WHAT THE FUCK?
was I not playing in dirt enough?
did I miss some genetic lottery in which my brothers could just one day stop being chubby as fuck and gain a six pack seemingly overnight?
and it didn’t stop there, the older I got the more I wondered if my fat was something I’d ~snap out of~
that if I just waited, I would one day ~transform~
and then when waiting didn’t work - I tried dieting and pills and all types of shit that just doesn’t work and actually fucks with the health you’re told is already fucked up by being a fat person.
THIS.
My little brother is a super fucken ripped, football-scholarship-toting, dudebro jock extreme - and he was chubbers when he was younger.
I went through puberty and moved to college before he even went to middle school, so we’re ages apart…it’s just weird how body image issues don’t translate in the same ways. At all.
My bro is always like “I’m so glad I don’t have anxiety and migraines and skin issues like you do” (always leaving out the “fat” aspect, though of course I know he’s thinking it) - it just makes me so goddamn angry.
My sister and I both struggle with this shit, and he never has. He’s had everything handed to him on a goddamn silver platter. Though I will admit, he does work his ass off and totally excels as an athlete…It’s just that when I was an athlete, I could never lose enough weight. I was “never good enough” because of my size. And I was a girl, so, you know.
I DON’T KNOW I just totally feel you and wanted to say as much, okay? okay. <3
Strong Families is a home for the 4 out of 5 people living in the US who do not live behind the picket fence—whose lives fall outside outdated notions of family, with a mom at home and a dad at work. While that life has never been the reality for most of our families, too many of the policies that affect us are based on this fantasy. From a lack of affordable childcare and afterschool programs, to immigration policy and marriage equality, the way we make policy and allocate resources needs to catch up to the way we live.
We see the trend of families defining themselves beyond the picket fence—across generation, race, gender, immigration status, and sexuality—as a powerful and promising development for the US, and we want to help policy makers catch up.
Our vision is that every family have the rights, recognition and resources it needs to thrive. We are engaging hundreds of organizations and thousands of individuals in our work to get there.
Representation Visualization: Time to Wash Those Men Right out of our Hair
I am a gay woman of colour. I have studied Gender and Sexuality for four years, am getting my Masters in the same, have acted for many years in drag, and want to eventually write a book about Drag and Gendered Performance.
And here is what unnerves me a little about the androgyny on Tumblr. I feel alienated by it. For the simple reason that my body/mind/sexuality is left out. Androgyny is an aesthetic. But it is also gender performance, an intellectual perspective and a sexual identity. I am androgynous. Not by aesthetic always. My clothing may reflect it sometimes. I spend a lot of time in drag, and my gender identity encompasses every breast-bind, every change of shadow on my face. But it is not my only body. And I have many bodies, and many mental states, and many bedroom moves – and they are androgynous.
Don’t get me wrong. Aesthetically androgynous women are GORGEOUS. Aesthetic androgyny is GLORIOUS. I am uber attracted to androgynous ladies. Have dated quite a few. But it is not the only androgyny. And sometimes, I want people to remember me. To recognize that you don’t need to know me to consider the possibility of a particular identity. To remember that this identity lies in my stride, in my gender performance, in my mind. To know that I can bend my gender to match you, to contrast to yours, and to fit my will. And all of it is authentic, is genuine, is mine.
I use my makeup to gloss my mouth and shade my eyes sometimes, and to texture my facial hair and draw on a mustache sometimes. The same tools on the same body. The same mind in the same body. A combination of masculine and feminine in the same body.
See me. I can be anything from femme to super butch to quite a motherfucking sexy drag king. I’m not going to wax Foucauldian about gender identities, because I want to break it down to this – androgyny is more than its popular representation. It is something that is visceral, and I do not want it underrepresented. And I am nervous because I don’t want to encroach on the aesthetically androgynous groups, but I want to make myself heard. ANDROGYNY IS OF THE MIND. Beyond all else.
Sometimes it looks like me. Like this.
This is important; also I’m posting this because god damn, this person is fine.
Thank you. I’ve always felt I am androgynous but I would take too much to achieve that mainstream white androg look. But what about me and my internal? Respect that as what it is too. Too much emphasis on appearance when discussing gender
yesyesyes
I had to design a web form for something today. The creative brief said “include a drop-down menu to select ‘gender’ that has ‘male’ and ‘female’ options.”
So I conveniently ignored the bit that dictated a drop-down and made it fill-in-the-blank instead. Because you know, common sense. Not everyone identifies as either “male” or “female”. Fucking duh.
Unfortunately, it didn’t fly. I even explained, “not everyone identifies as ‘male’ or ‘female’” - but my input was trumped.
IT IS NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND, PEOPLE. JUST BE INCLUSIVE AND MINDFUL OF OTHERS OKAY JUST DO IT.

butts.
Hi my name is James and I am gender queer. Like so many, I was told that being fat was wrong and bad. That I was disgusting. I tried so hard to be what they wanted, which was thinner. Because of places and blogs like this, I learned to love myself. I learned, I was beautiful and that me being fat was not disgusting. What was disgusting was how my family or some of them handled it towards me. I want everyone to know you are not alone and there are people out there like you. You are loved and you are not disgusting. But you are beautiful.<3
Fatanarchy: If the notion of “Health” and “Healthy” are steeped in morality.
(some thoughts/questions I’m processing this morning, as I’ve been bombarded with a variety of different messaging on health today)
What happens to these ideas once we remove the notion that there is a binary of health and healthiness that one can succeed or fail at. This idea that what we do with our bodies must align to a static notion of the ideal means that our inability to adhere to what is considered right and worthy for our bodies is viewed as an individual failure to perform or participate in society. This notion underlies the way we view fatness, to food politics, to the fictionalize creation of the welfare queen and her inability to perform in society. This moral idea of health pervades race, gender, sexuality, and class. The morality of that which is right versus wrong, whether you’re fat, brown, or queer, can be viewed from way our bodies are positioned as either healthy or right or broken and wrong.
What if we view health as simply the notion that our bodies can tell us what we need and we have the choice to listen and respond, with no judgement assigned for whatever actions we choose—understanding however that our ability to listen has been tampered with by the external noise of morality, commercialism, colonization, and Lutheran work ethic.
How do we get here, is it even worth arguing for? How can I practice undoing the morality I assign my own body? How do I understand morality as a construct that has been forced upon my queerness, my gender, my sexuality, my brown skin? When does morality serve me and when does it not. How does morality serve to keep me oppressed? How is morality institutionalized into our systems of power?
I’m chock full of questions today with very few answers.
Lego, I am disappointed.
The Lego Friends ad showed up in an issue of Martha Stewart Living this month. I immediately recognized it as a revisitation to Lego’s 1981 ad, one of my favorite print ads that I’ve ever seen. And then I just started getting mad, because I’ve noticed this about Lego’s new stuff lately but didn’t have anything to point to.
First off, the structures they’re holding are definitely similar - little columns with minifigs on it, fine. But the 2013 girl also has little balconies and flowers and small cute animals, and weird curvy Lego people. Most of the bricks are weird jewel tones. It’s decidedly a dollhouse.
Then the copy just reinforces this. The 1981 ad basically says “Not sure what it is? That’s okay, because what matters is she made it herself.” The 2013 ad just lists stuff she could make. It’s a garden, it’s a pirate ship, etc.
That’s not the point! Legos, when assembled, don’t have to BE anything. I grant that there’s more merit to letting your child build their own playset that just pulling a single-purpose one out of a box, but there should also be pleasure in MAKING the thing. This is what the 1981 ad stresses over the 2013 - There’s as much joy to be found in the creative process as there is in the end product.
This is a problem that lots of kids toys have, but Lego has really put the bee in my bonnet.
Initially I was really upset when i heard about the “Lego Friends” collection, but then I saw interviews and research and reports where Lego had, for the past decade and a half tried to push Legos into the hands of young girls only to have parents label them as a “boy’s toy.” They clearly never advertised the product as leaning toward being one gender dominant, but somewhere along the way that became the public perception.
Lego knew though that children that played with their toy showed better creativity, ingenuity, and tested better in math and sciences, and saw it as a crime that one gender was being pushed out of that opportunity.
Yes, they also saw the dollars they were losing, but they did a ton of research into the other aspects of their product, and it really continually came down to the parents.
So if you want to blame anyone for why Lego’s pushing pastel bricks directly at girls? Blame parents for independently deciding legos were a boy’s toy.
Repeat after me: toys have no gender. TOYS HAVE NO GENDER.
Fun fact time: many of my old acquaintances still make joking comments whenever they see me wearing pink, because as a child (and honestly pretty much right up to high school) I would refuse to associate with any pink objects.
It wasn’t because I didn’t like pink, it was because since I appeared female I was supposed to/ it was immediately assumed that I did and therefore it pissed me the ever-loving fuck off. I was ashamed to like it, which is terrible because pink is an awesome color. But when you shove it down young girls throats it gets really old, really fast.
Give the child the fucking rainbow, and if they pick pink, it’s not because they are female and/or effeminate, it’s because they like the color pink.
THIS.
Gosh this
Do You Notice Anything Different About This Toy Catalog? Because Kids Do.
Toys “R” Us officially moved up a few notches in the eyes of progressives by challenging the gender stereotypes that have lined its pages for years. The Swedish version of the toy store did at least. I definitely like the idea of letting kids choose what they want to identify with instead of having it spelled out for them. I really hope this catches on.
I don’t think it is wrong to feel bad about your body - everybody, fat/thing, male/female etc feels bad about their bodies sometimes. Our culture encourages body hate for everyone, though I do think that body standard are certainly different for men then for women, though both are unrealistic. I think part of the difference between body issues that men and women have is that while both genders are given this terrible standards that are close to impossible to live up to, only women are told that their entire worth as human beings is tied to their appearance. A woman can be successful, but if she isn’t also beautiful, that success is somehow nullified or dismissed by society. A man can and will catch shit for not living up to body standards, BUT he will still be considered a worthwhile individual and fully human even if he is not conventionally attractive. I’m not saying any of this to try to dismiss your pain, or say you don’t have issues whith your body as a thin man, but they are very different than what a woman, especially a fat woman goes through.
As a very thin man, you are not going to be systematically discriminated against because of your size. What you are suffering from, i.e. lack of media representation of your body type, is only one way that the culture stigmatizes fat women. Fat people are less likely to be hired than thin people, likely to be paid less than thin counterparts. Fat people can be denied health care for no reason other than their body size, even if they are healthy by any other metric. When fat people get health care, they often have all their problems attributed to their weight, which can lead to serious issues getting ignored or undiagnosed because their doctors dismiss symptoms as being weight related when they are really due to a more serious underlying condition. Fat people are prohibited from adopting in many places. As a thin person, you may face body hate and lack or representation, but you aren’t subjected to any of the other facets of fat discrimination.
I hope that you do find a place where you can feel good about your body, or you can make a safe space to do so. Here at RBI we believe that all bodies are good bodies, but that doesn’t mean all bodies are treated in the same way. That is why we focus on bodies that are particularly marginalized.

Going beyond the Western gender binary - unlearning our backward cultural conditioning
In Western colonial society (which dominates many aspects of the globalized, capitalist world today) we operate under the presumption that there are only two genders, male and female. But gender is a social construction. One’s options for what gender they identify with are shaped by the culture they are born into. Biological factors are most-often the primary driving forces that choose among the available socially-constructed gender categories.
Cultures around the world have different ways of talking about, thinking about, and identifying gender. It’s often a challenge for (particularly cis-sexual) Westerns to think about other ways gender can be socially constructed. Westerns have the false equivalency of gender and sex drilled into their eternal psyche from the time they are very young, and re-enforced through examples popular culture. There is no biological reality to gender. Many Westerners have the bizarre belief that one’s XY-sex-determination should also inform one’s gender identity, a socially constructed role in society.
In some cultures, there is no distinction made between gender and sexual orientation and the same can be said for sexual orientation - our culture socially-constructs the options and our biology helps us identify which socially-constructed option feels most ‘right’ and best resonates with us.
I’ve attached some photos to offer some examples of non-colonial, non-Western construction of gender. They’ve all been uploaded onto our Facebook page photostream in case you’d like to ‘like’ or ‘share’ them there. There are literally hundreds of ‘third-gender’ identifying peoples around the world. The eight I’ve chosen are mostly examples I remember from some of my anthropology courses but if you google ‘third genders’ you can find many lists and examples.
Who cares? Why it matters.
The most obvious reason to care about the way our culture has constructed gender and sexual orientation is to deepen one’s capacity for solidarity with people who identify as transgender, transsexual, and others whose gender or sexual identity exists outside of binary Western culture.
But there are other reasons as well. Western culture’s binary nature often creates non-sensical, problematic binary identity constructions that are inherently problematic. For example, I believe that Western masculinity (dominance, aggression, lack of communication, lack of emotional expression, etc) is inherently problematic. I believe that to be the reason why most acts of large-scale-violence and terror are committed by men (see: 100% of the mass school shootings in the United States), and I believe it fosters a degree of internal misery within people who heavily adopt these particular ‘masculine’ traits.
In the age of information, and the age of global connectivity, there is no longer any reason (particularly for young people) to feel isolated or restricted to Western definitions of gender, sexual orientation and identity in general. I think the social ramifications of a generation where more and more people begin to identify outside of the gender binary would be tremendous, and I think we should all consider how we can unlearn our cultural conditioning to embrace other, perhaps less exploitative and dominating identities.
Background information on the identities depicted in the above images:
Hijras
Hijras are male-body-born, feminine-gender-identifying people who live in South Asia (mostly in India & Nepal). Many Hijras live in well-defined, organized, all-Hijra communities, led by a guru.Although many Hijras identify as Muslim, many practice a form of syncretism that draws on multiple religions; seeing themselves to be neither men nor women, Hijras practice rituals for both men and women.
Hijras belong to a special caste. They are usually devotees of the mother goddess Bahuchara Mata, Lord Shiva, or both.
Nandi female husbands
Among the Nandi in Western Kenya, one social identity option for women is to become a female husband, and thus a man in society’s eyes. Female husbands are expected to become men and take on all of the social and cultural responsibilities of a man, including finding a wife to marry and passing on property to the next generation through marriage. Female husbands may have lived their lives as women and may even be married to a man, but once she becomes a female-husband, she is expected to be a man. Women married to female-husbands may have sex with single men uninterested in commitment in order to become pregnant, but the female-husband (who is often an older woman, often a widow) will father the child of said pregnancy and treat the child like her own.Two-spirited people
Two-Spirit is an umbrella term sometimes used for what was once commonly known as ‘berdaches’, Indigenous North Americans who fulfill one of many mixed gender roles found traditionally among many Native Americans and Canadian First Nations communities. The term usually indicates a person whose body simultaneously manifests both a masculine and a feminine spirit. Male and female two-spirits have been “documented in over 130 tribes, in every region of North America.”Travesti
In South America (with a large presence in Brazil), a travesti is a person who was assigned male at birth who has a feminine gender identity and is primarily sexually attracted to masculine men. Therefore, sometimes the distinction between gender identity and sexual orientation is not made. Travestis have been described as a third gender, but not all see themselves this way.Travestis often will begin taking female hormones and injecting silicone to enlargen their backsides as boys and continue the process into womanhood.The work of cultural Anthropologist Don Kulick (a gay male by Western definitions) in Brazil demonstrated that gender construction in Brazil is binary (like Western gender construction), but unlike Western gender construction, instead of having a male-female binary, there is a male-notmale.
In this particular construction of gender:
- Males include: men who have sex with women, men who have sex with Travestis but are never on the receiving end of anal sex, men who have sex with men but are never on the receiving end of anal sex.
- Not-males include: women, men who receive anal sex from ‘male’ gay men or from Travestis.
Fa’afafine
Fa’afafine are the gender liminal, or third-gendered people of Samoa. A recognized and integral part of traditional Samoan culture, fa’afafine, born biologically male, embody both male and female gender traits. Their gendered behavior typically ranges from extravagantly feminine to mundanely masculineWaria
Waria is a traditional third general role found in modern Indonesia. Additionally, the Bugis culture of Sulawesi (one of the four larger Sunda Islands of Indonesia) has been described as having three sexes (male, female and intersex) as well as five genders with distinct social roles.Six Genders of old Israel
In the old Kingdom of Israel (1020–931 BCE) there were six officially recognized genders:
- Zachar: male
- Nekeveh: female
- Androgynos: both male and female
- Tumtum: gender neutral/without definite gender
- Aylonit: female-to-male transgender people
- Saris: male-to-female transgender people (often inaccurately translated as “eunuch”)
Kathoey (often called ‘ladyboys’)
Australian scholar of sexual politics in Thailand Peter Jackson’s work indicates that the term “kathoey” was used in pre-modern times to refer to intersexual people, and that the usage changed in the middle of the twentieth century to cover cross-dressing males, to create what is now a gender identity unique to Thailand. Thailand also has three identities related to female-bodied people: Tom, Dee, and heterosexual woman.-Robert