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We are constantly redefining our own perspectives, and therefore tend to write a lot about our personal experiences. Many followers and contributors are living with anorexia, bulimia, body dysmorphic disorder, depression, and a variety of other body image disorders or mental illnesses, so please be respectful and remember that health applies differently to everyone. Any and all potentially triggering content will be prefaced with a trigger warning.
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TW: Health shaming
Do not make assumptions about my lifestyle under the guise of being concerned about my health, especially when I did not ask for your opinion.
YOU DON’T KNOW ME LIKE I DO. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Let me just expand on this as I am slowly raging…
I posted on Facebook this morning that I’m not feeling well. Mistake number one.
Should have known better than to incite a discussion about health on Facebook, though honestly I don’t know how making a statement about being frustrated with my health turns into an open invitation for others to make assumptions and lecture me about my lifestyle habits.
Yes, I know taking vitamins and exercise is “good” for me.
Yes, it’s lovely that you walk 2 miles twice a week and would like me to join you - but why are you assuming that I don’t already have some sort of walking regime in place?
Yes mother, I know that going outside and being consistently active could help with my conditions, thank you for the 20 texts you sent me this morning reminding me of this. Like the millions of times you brought this up in the past wasn’t enough.
What is it about me that makes people think I fucking lack common sense? Is there something about my fat body that just screams, “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE HEALTHY, PLEASE SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW”? Oh, right.
I mean, I know obviously that all of these people have my best interest in mind. As my mother puts it: “I’m a nag with good intentions.”
I’m really sorry, but the cold hard fact is - your good intentions don’t mean shit to me.
In fact, they appear to me as health shaming cloaked in “concern”.
They make me feel small.
Walking a few miles every week is great. I love walking. I’ve been walking a lot more lately. How much I walk or how often is immaterial - the point is, I move my body intuitively. I am active in ways that please me and make me feel good. You don’t need to know the details, because I don’t need your validation.
The fucking reality is, going for a walk is not going to make my fucking chronic illnesses DISAPPEAR. You can’t fix me. I can’t fix me. I can only live with what I’ve got, and I know what I’m doing more than you know what’s “best” for me.
Do not make assumptions about my lifestyle under the guise of being concerned about my health, especially when I did not ask for your opinion.
YOU DON’T KNOW ME LIKE I DO. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
I get asked if i’m pregnant all the time. People ask me on the street, in bars, AT WORK. It’s completely absurd. This week, I got asked if I was pregnant twice within 24 hours. No matter how many times it happens, I am still so STUNNED by people’s audacity that my brain shuts down and all the witty, cutting things that I’ve practiced as responses (for example, “No I’m not pregnant, I just ate too much dairy and now I’m super bloated.” “Oh my god! I can’t believe I didn’t notice that! Thanks for pointing it out.” and my personal favourite…”Yes but I’m not keeping the baby, so i’m trying not to get too attached”) just fly right the fuck out the window, and I’m left with the blushing ashamed answer, “No, I’m not pregnant…oh don’t worry…no no…it’s ok…really.” Well here’s what: IT. IS. NOT. OK!!! I’ve had to really unpack the sadness, embarrassment and shame that comes along with these comments. I’ve come up with a few answers as to how this is SO NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM.
here are some reasons why asking me if or assuming that i am pregnant makes you a total douchebag:
1. It is a violation. It is none of your fucking business what is going on inside my body. It is never, under any circumstances, an acceptable thing to talk about someone’s body. Pregnant bodies are seen as public property, and no longer belong to the women who inhabit them. My body, pregnant or not, does not belong to you and it is no less than completely intolerable that you believe it does and that it is a topic for discussion. Lay the fuck off!
2. Pregnancy is a socially acceptable thing for a woman to do, and being fat isn’t. I don’t want to have babies. I don’t want to give birth. Creating life is not my path. It really chaps my ass when i see the light flicker in old ladies eyes when they believe i’m doing what i’m supposed to do with my body, and then to see it die out like a candle in a gust of disappointment when they realize i’m just a fattie fat fattie. It’s a real piss-off to know that people want me to terminate my food babies and go on a GD diet, but I’ll get all the social credit i can handle if it’s the seed of life sprouting in my gut. GROSS.
3. Pregnancy is considered beautiful, and being fat is considered ugly. Pregnancy is a beautiful kind of fat. An elegant kind of fat. A refined and glowing kind of fat. It’s a calm and serene and sweet kind of fat. It’s ok to be fat if you’re pregnant. But it’d better go away right after you pop the sucker out. Baby weight, is like, so not cute. Telling a fat person that they’re beautiful because you think they’re pregnant is fucking offensive. I’m beautiful because my belly is round and delightful and i will shake it in your face if you come any fucking closer to me ISWEARTOGOD!
4. Acknowledging that someone is fat is considered and insult, because fat is considered disgusting. I am bored to freaking tears with dealing with other people’s fat phobia and unchecked privilege. I am tired of assuaging the guilt that comes along with pointing out that I’m fat. You meant no harm, i know. and saying that i’m fat is harmful? It’s fine to call attention to the fact that I’m fat! I love my fat! But the embarrassment and the backtracking and the whiny fumbling around…get over it! Now that it’s all out in the open and everything, maybe you could take back your nonpliment and FUCKING PRAISE ME BITCHEZ.
Here are some artful ways that people have found to discuss my non-pregnancy:
“Can i ask you a question? (no pause) Are you pregnant?”…pretty standard
“You know, I’ve been watching you and you are just stunningly beautiful…for a pregnant woman”
“Oh here, let me get that, I hated picking things up when i was VERY pregnant, too”
“You carry yourself so well. How far along are you?”
“So is it a boy or a girl?”…Oh actually i’m not pregnant…”Oh come on! Yes you are!”
…assholes.
More amazing writing by Ashley Aron, this hussy is the BADDEST BITCH AROUND.