When Thanksgiving rolls around every year, you’ll almost always hear me spouting on and on about how much I love turkey dinner. The whole shebang - stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy.. mmm! But what do I do every year during these holiday dinners? I eat so much that my body gets really upset with me afterwards. I know that I’m not alone in this.
So this year, I’m trying out something new. This past year I’ve learned a ton about HAES and about listening to what your body tells you, and I feel like I can finally put it into motion. This is like the big game after lots of practice. My practice hasn’t been too horrible, but I’ve had my share of slip-ups.. and pretty often. When dinnertime comes around and I haven’t eaten anything all day for example, I tend to get a little excited and forget to listen to my body. This leads me to eating more than my body can handle, and I end up feeling like a big shitball. Yeah, shitball.
In terms of listening to my body, I’m going to actually start feeding it in the morning when I get little grumbles, which will help with my binging at night out of excitement, starvation, or whatever it is. I’m also researching how to quit smoking, which is something I so terribly want to accomplish, but am torn about because I, like many other smokers, like smoking.
An important part of my life, though, is NOT to body police. So I’m not here to say, “Hey, don’t eat two, three, four servings of turkey and gravy. Don’t do this, don’t do that.” That’s not my mission. My mission in this journey of body positivity is to be in touch with my body. Not your’s. I finally have the tools to know HOW to be in touch with my body, I finally know how to listen to it, and I finally know that I want to listen to it.
What a perfect time to explore how my body feels when I feed it things! Thanksgiving?! Yay! Buuuut, having a history (and present, who am I kidding?) of eating disorders, and being insanely obsessive can make it hard to understand these things in reference to my body. My relationship with food has been and will always be a struggle, we’re almost always at a conflict, so I’m working to get away from that, obviously!
So here are a few steps that I’m taking to be my best Cortnie this holiday:
Relax, breathe. It’s just eating.
Take what you want, but know that there will always be more where that came from. (Privilege? CHECK!)
Why don’t you smell the food? Look at the food. Think about how it makes you feel when you eat it.
Binge eating may feel good at first, with the tastes and textures of the food, but come on Cort, afterwards you’re going to feel like shit.
So those are just some things that I needed to regurgitate out. I know they may seem crazy simple and childish, but sometimes exercises like this can really help you achieve goals and understand what’s happening in your brain.
Who else has these issues? What do you tell yourself?
ps here’s a picture of me looking weird after jumping in the air. I look even shorter than I actually am.
YAAA you are awesome! I love this.