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We are constantly redefining our own perspectives, and therefore tend to write a lot about our personal experiences. Many followers and contributors are living with anorexia, bulimia, body dysmorphic disorder, depression, and a variety of other body image disorders or mental illnesses, so please be respectful and remember that health applies differently to everyone. Any and all potentially triggering content will be prefaced with a trigger warning.
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I just saw your thoughts on taking your fiance’s name and it’s so refreshing. I just got married Saturday and I am still unsure of what we’re going to do with our last name.
I always grew up thinking I would take my husband’s name because that’s the norm, it’s only that taking his name would cause my name to sound ridiculous (think: Sadie Sunny). When I mentioned my distaste for the name to him he understood completely. Not only does my name sound silly and childlike with it, people always pronounce it wrong or spell it wrong—I also hate that my name sounds like his dad’s (an ex-coworker who knew his dad kept calling me by my father in law’s first name because they’re so similar).
We discussed our options—him take my name (I am attached to my family name) but there is a famous person with a similar name and he doesn’t care for it, me just keep my name (but he wants us to have the same name and I do too), us create a whole new name together (we discussed becoming “the Gingers” or combining our names into “Rummey”), hyphenation, us using a more Americanized version of his last name (Summers, which is the exact same meaning as his), or me just sucking it up and taking his name despite my feelings.
We’ve settled on Summers, giving proper respect to his family’s name but still allowing me to not feel forced into taking a last name I am uncomfortable with being for the rest of my life. My husband wants us to have the same last name and has been the most supportive about the whole situation, even when I start to feel guilty that I might be causing un-needed drama he insists I have every right to feel the way I do.
Unfortunately, it seems most everybody we know that we’ve mentioned it to doesn’t understand. I’ve become frustrated and felt guilty multiple times after the reactions I’ve gotten. My own mother has said she wants me to take his name, that she was proud to take my father’s (the difference is she hated her maiden name because it was always pronounced wrong and nobody could figure it out—one of the reasons I hate my husband’s last name. She loved my father’s name.)
Asked iamsavingmyself
You hit the nail on the head with that. Hayley is completely within her right to take her fiance’s name. Many times feminists, especially white western feminists with a great deal of privilege, make the mistake of taking agency from women and ignoring the fact that some women may choose to be housewives or other supposedly “non-feminist” actions. I have personally made the choice of either hyphenating or keeping my name when the day comes but that in no way makes me better than Hayley. In fact, I would very much love being a housewife if my future partner and I could afford it and I’d say that my brand of feminism is pretty radical and unapologetic.
So, personally, I don’t think you’re a bad feminist unless you are perpetuate sexism, racism, trans* phobia, homophobia, or any other nasty thing. I don’t care if you’re a housewife who took their partner’s name and is getting a boob job. That’s your choice and as long you made those decisions for yourself and not because of societal pressure, then no feminist should be offended.
THANKS BABES! I know these things, I just wanted to pose the questions to see what might transpire. It’s a good thing to talk about!
I am taking my fiancé’s name for a number of reasons.
First of all, my own last name is descendant from a man who started a family with my Great Grandmother when she was 19 and left her in the dead of night with a newborn (my grandfather) and a toddler (my great uncle) in the midst of a harsh Detroit snowstorm, parting with the most cliche of last words - “I’ll be back, I’m going to the corner for cigarettes.”
He went on to do all manner of things I’d rather not speak about, but most importantly - he never came back, although his name remained.
My grandfather once even entertained the idea of changing our family name, due to my great grandfather’s past transgressions. I think it ultimately became more trouble than it was worth, and he decided against it.
So you see, I really feel no particular affinity for it. Sure, it is part of my identity and my family’s history, but identities change. Lives transform. You become connected to others and start to think about leaving behind your own legacy - and the possibility of a fresh start with the person you love most in this world begins to sound more and more appealing.
In a way, I kind of wish my fiancé (Jamie) and I could make up our own last name. When prompted to make one up, he immediately came up with “The Boopingtons” - not an entirely unworthy option.
As it is, we don’t have the luxury of becoming Mr. and Mrs. Boopington. I could keep my name and Jamie could keep his, I could take his, OR accept a hyphenated mash-up of the two.
On the surface it appears to be a pretty simple decision to make. And at first, I felt pretty confident about it.
When I told Jamie I’d like to take his name, his reaction was not unexpected.
“Don’t you want to keep your name?”
My argument against this was also quite simple - “I am going to be with you for the rest of my life and I want to share a name with you. I want our children to share our name and I want us to be a unit, a force to be reckoned with. I want your name to be OUR name.”
This exchange would start a discussion between us that lasted for months. Just when I thought I’d finally made a decision, I’d start to feel like maybe Jamie wasn’t on board with it. For some reason, he seemed to care more about the preservation of my surname than I did.
We even thought for a while about the possibility of Jamie taking my name. I brought this up at Thanksgiving dinner with my parents, to which my dad replied (in Jamie’s absence), “You may as well chop his dick off.”
Because his name…Is in his dick?
Turns out that for a lot of reasons (mostly due to the fact we are applying for a fiance visa so that he can finally move to the states) Jamie is stuck with his name. But that still leaves my own name to contend with - and a decision that is mine alone to make.
There is a part of me that is wary of being perceived as a “bad feminist”, surrendering myself to the very patriarchy that I’m meant to be fighting against - but that’s not how it feels, to me.
We are both feminists. We both understand the implications that come with sharing a name or not sharing a name.
It doesn’t make me any more or less dedicated as a wife or a partner. It doesn’t mean that I would begrudge any other woman the right to keep her name, or that what I decide on is the best option for everyone.
The bottom line is, I know that Jamie doesn’t view me as his “property” and taking his name doesn’t make me “his”. It makes us “us” in a more obvious way than if we had two different surnames. It’s about what’s right for US. And that is all.
I realize that I am in the majority. Even now that we’ve had the option not to for quite some time, the bride still prefers to take the groom’s surname 90% of the time.
I still feel that this is something that deserves to be challenged, for those of us who feel a particular affinity for our surnames - but I am not one of those women. So I don’t feel particularly empowered to take it on as a personal issue.
The truth is, I quite look forward to changing my name and starting a new chapter alongside my husband.
While my name may change on paper, I can still bring it back as I please. I may even continue to use my maiden name situationally, especially as it is so engrained in the history of my work as a designer, activist, and writer.
So, does taking my husband’s name make me a hypocrite? Have I lost my right to be critical of patriarchal traditions because I’ve chosen to go along with one, for my own reasons? Do I really care? What’s in a name, anyway?
I am totally with Haley, even though when I get married I have no intention of changing my name, and told my partner this in no uncertain terms (to which he replied “duuuh”), I don’t think it is at all anti-feminist to take your husband’s name. There are many circumstances (like Haley’s, or say if they woman’s family or origin is abusive) where taking your husband’s name is in fact a feminist decision. As long as it is a freely-made, conscious choice to either keep your name or take your husbands, then either choice is completely consistent with being a feminist, in my opinion. I think feminism is fighting for the freedom for women to make the choices in her life, not dictating what those choices should be.
Hi! I’m Zoey, and I’m 16. I’m the girl in this photo :)
It’s taken me ages to come to terms with my body. I’ve hated it so much, and struggled with eating disorders of many types. I’ve also struggled with self-harm and depression. But I’m starting to get better, and starting to realize that I’m beautiful just the way I am.
Part of it is finding trendy clothes that fit, like this dress! I’m kinda in love with “plus size” stores because they have amazing clothes that ACTUALLY are made to fit us bigger girls, and have styles that look good on us.
I had an amazing time at my TOLO dance this year, with my great date. It was so much fun, and I loved it, and the way I looked that night. First time I’ve felt that way in a long time, and I’m so happy to be getting to this point.
Women For Freedom.
Sojourner Truth
Tania Bunke
Frida Kahlo
Ella Baker
Angela Davis
Octavia Butler
Leila Khalid
I started growing my armpit hair a few months ago and I have fallen in love with it. I never realised how happy it was going to make me!
——
// SHOW YOUR FUZZY LOVE! //
Everybody deserves to take up exactly as much space as their body needs. Fat people do not need to be thinner to “fit” better into a society that hates us and that structurally disadvantages us.
- if i don't shave my legs or pits: "oooooh badass feminist!!! ooooh fight the power!!! how cool"
- if a trans* woman doesn't shave her legs or pits: "ew gross that's just a hairy man in girl's clothes ew"
- if i don't wear makeup: "oooooooh natural beauty!!!! ooooohhhhh confidence!!!!!"
- if a trans* woman doesn't wear makeup: "ew gross if you're so hellbent on being a woman at least try to look like one ew"
- if i dress in androgynous clothing: "wow badass oh man so edgy wow rlly hot wow fighting gender roles!!!!!!!'
- if a trans* woman dresses in androgynous clothing: "ew if yr a woman why don't you dress like one hahahaha wow yr like 1000000 lightyears away from passing how gross"
- if i dress super femme: "whoa so cute so pretty omg wow yr so gorgeous"
- if a trans* woman dresses super femme: "ew yr totally upholding gender roles gross yr like a parody of a woman ew how stereotypical and awful"
Well done Sunday Times, you decided to write a spread on Feminism and successfully included all the problematic white cis feminists who parade around ruining feminism for the rest of us. Lena Dunham, and her lack of PoC in “Girls” as well as her problematic, racist, Orientalist travel diaries soon to be published as a book; Hadley Freeman, who shames women like Beyonce for being happy enough with their bodies to pose/wear little clothing (and thus, Beyonce is not allowed call herself a feminist!?); the Vagenda for dismissing intersectionality because it’s ~too hard~, for always sticking up for Moran, and this lovely quote, ignoring all the feminist efforts by WoC, “feminism is, and to an extent always has been, a white, middle class movement”; and Caitlin Moran, possibly the biggest douche EVER, who’s slut-shamed, victim-blamed, “literally could not give a shit” about the lack of PoC in Lena’s “Girls” and never, ever, EVER owns up or apologises for her mistakes.
Yep, a really fantastic load of feminists you have there, and of course, there was obviously no space to feature any feminists of colour right (or feminists with worthwhile, non-problematic, intersectional points of view…?)social justice identitarians love branding themselves, don’t they? reactionary whiteness is terribly trend aware.
are you kidding me with that vagenda bullshit? intersectional feminism or no feminism, i say.
The super hot and smart manybothans (follow asap) and I were discussing how this weird 007/International Women’s Day/Equality video had some seriously transphobic undertones, and I wanted to write a little bit about it. Our discussion brought me to a place where I felt I could write about…
Still, the inescapable fact is that a guy likes to look at a naked woman. Period. Doctors are no different. They like to look at naked women, too. So, if they get PAID to look–I mean, really LOOK–at a woman’s sexual organs, and even better, they get to touch them, well… So much the better!
Just vomited in my mouth.
I’m not saying that doctors do exams just to get a sexual thrill, because the circumstances really don’t allow a full-out sexual experience
NOT BECAUSE IT’S HIGHLY DISTURBING AND INAPPROPRIATE AND A VIOLATION OF THE TRUST A WOMAN MIGHT PUT IN A DOCTOR, JUST ‘CUZ CIRCUMSTANCES DON’T ALLOW FOR IT. FUCKING DIE.
but deep down, they ARE men, after all.
Aw yeah, so true, your cock validates all things.
This is so vom-inducing, I can’t even…
About the game:
Miedo y La Luz (Fear and the Light) is a small, free “choose your own adventure” style text-based horror game, grounded in some of the cultures and languages of Borikén (Puerto Rico) and diasporicans, and centering femininity and queer/trans* people of color characters. Though the game’s primary language is English, it blends Spanish and Taíno language use throughout.
The game features slow-building psychological and survival horror, mixed with magical realism, dark fantasy, RPG dynamics, and socially-conscious science fiction. Created by and for QPoC. Written by quequieresmrmorden.
Meet the main characters:
Art (above) by knittedlampshade
Art (above) by escl-ert
Vela, they/them/their (ell@) pronouns. A queer Indigenous Taíno person who wakes up to a world of distortions and nightmares and has to fight their way through it, gaining information along the way.
Luz, she/her/hers (ella) pronouns. A queer Black and Indigenous Taíno woman who learns to manipulate the rules of the new horrific universe, and starts to suspect there’s more behind the scenes than meets the eye.
The plan:
I’m making a prologue/introductory game for Miedo y La Luz with money out of my own pocket. I’ll release that online to play for free. After the game release, I might begin a fundraising campaign to commission illustration art, and maybe even some other boricua QPoC writers on staff. I don’t personally want to make money off this, but I want the other QPoC putting in their energies to get paid for their time and efforts.
For now, I’m not requesting any monetary donations. Not until there’s already a playable game and a more concrete plan for future costs.
However, you’re welcome to ask or submit questions, comments, critiques, art, horror things that scare you, and anything else you want!
Signup list:
If you want to, you can fill out this form to get an announcement when the game is released.
There are options on the form for expressing interest in beta testing or helping with the game, too! (But all those sections are optional. Any info you give will be kept private— no spam, mass emails, or sharing of your info anywhere, etc.)
Once again, here’s the form if you’re interested.
Signal boosting welcome! Thanks!
My game! Please fill out the form if you’re interested, and signal boost if you want to! :)
this is so cool!
by Rowland Túpac Keshena
For those who don’t know much about me, I am a currently studying for a Masters Degree in Public Issues Anthropology, specializing in a Fanon and MLM infused analysis of revolutionary Native nationalist and anti-colonialist movements in North Amerika. I also have really strong interrelated interests in revolutionary critical pedagogy, the “reindigenization” of the Chicano community and movement and, the subject of this post, indigenous feminism. Anyway, one of the perks of my program is that I can create my own courses, and I’ve taken such a route this semester by creating my own directed studies course in indigenous feminist theory.
The growth of indigenous feminism is, for me, a huge interest, both personal and academic, not just because of the obvious importance struggling against both white supremacist (ne0)colonial capitalism and hetero-patriarchy if we want to achieve meaningful freedom, justice and equality, but also because for a long time the status quo within our movement was that you could not be both a feminist and a native warrior. On the one hand we are not Native enough if we call ourselves and our movement feminist, but on the other we are not feminist enough for the whitestream feminists since we pointing out that the whitestream movement does not take us, and our unique experiences and struggles into account. I am indigenous man and I find this to be one of the greatest failings of our movement, and for that reason I wholeheartedly endorse, support and promote the rise of an indigenous feminism.
Anyway, with that in mind and in the spirit of sharing ideas, and radical education I’ve decided to post my reading list for others to take a look a lot, critique and/or otherwise contribute their thoughts. It’s made up of a mix of books and articles, both academic and non-academic, which are available on line.
Books:
Making Space for Indigenous Feminism, edited by Joyce Green
I Am Woman: A Native Perspective on Sociology and Feminism, by Lee Maracle
From a Native Daughter: Colonialism and Sovereignty in Hawaii, by Haunani-Kay Trask
Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide, by Andrea Smith
Talkin’ Up to the White Woman: Indigenous Women and Feminism, by Eileen Morton-Robinson
Online Articles:
Indigenous Feminism Without Apology, by Andrea Smith
Jennifer Nez Denetdale on Indigenous Feminisms
An Indigenous Perspective on Feminism, Militarism, and the Environment, by Winona LaDuke
Zapatismo and the Emergence of Indigenous Feminism, by Aida Hernandez Castillo
Academic Journal Publications:
Wicazo Sa Review “Native Feminisms: Legacies, Interventions, and Indigenous Sovereignties,” guest edited by Mishuana R. Goeman and Jennifer Nez Denetdale
Whiteness Matters: Implications of Talking Up to the White Woman, by Eileen Morton-Robinson
Race, Tribal Nation, and Gender: A Native Feminist Approach to Belonging, by Renya Ramirez
Introduction: Special Issue on Native American Women, Feminism, and Indigenism, by Anne Waters
Patriarchal Colonialism and Indigenism: Implications for Native Feminist Spirituality and Native Womanism, by M. A. Jaimes Guerrero
Dismantling the Master’s Tools with the Master’s House: Native Feminist Liberation Theologies, by Andrea Smith
oh my gods yes. This reading list is amazing.
Ever have one of those days when you’re unsure how much phobia, hatred and all the bullshit society throws towards us that you can handle?
If I see one more Special K advert telling me I need to weight x amount to have self worth, I’m going to break my fucking television. Thank you for making my day 5x harder.
If I see one more poster of some airbrushed model who prefers to stand for nothing but an unattainable level of perfection to an audience of young, impressionable Women; I’m going to rip it off the wall and shove it in the garbage where it fucking belongs.
If I have to be fronted with one more comment like “This is ONLY x amount of calories; feel less guilty and have this disgusting alternative”, I’m going to take it off the shelf and stamp on it approximately twenty times. Because that’s what I fucking feel like doing.
If some ridiculous company ran by people who clearly have the intelligence of a fucking fish, tell me that I have to be a certain size to fit their idea of beautiful, hot, sexy, whatever; I’m going to cut the label out of every fucking clothing item in their store because it doesn’t matter what size you are.
The next time someone compliments my body based on their like/dislike/preference, it isn’t a compliment because YOU like it. I like myself for myself, if you want to actually compliment me, then state it based on something that matters; like the fact I’ve got a sparkling muthafucking personality, not whether or not I’m the size you find visually pleasing.
The next time some uneducated, naive person tries to tell me what is right for MY body; whether that be how much exercise I should be doing, how many calories I should be consuming, or whether or not I can allow myself to eat such a thing; I’m going to honestly tell them to shove their idealistic standards up their fucking backsides and grab a reality check. If you really had any concern for my well being, you would focus on my happiness; not some ‘statistics’ (informal consent, look it up.)
If someone decides it’s within their right to tell me I have to cover up my acne excessively in order to look pretty enough, I’m going to smash ten bottles of foundation and tell them to fuck off.
The next time someone tells me my ass is ‘too big’, my lips are ‘nice and voluptuous’, or my ‘hips stick out a tad’; I’m going to tell them that my body is no concern of theirs, because their opinion is no fucking concern of mine.
(This could go on forever..)
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