submitted by liquifiedbaby:

Huge rant here. It might make no sense at all because I am not a native english speaker. 

—-

I’ve been chubby since my childhood. When I turned fifteen my mom and I decided to go to the gym and lose some pounds. 

It was fun and I grew stronger and I just loved myself in the beginning.

But it all changed only within the first or second month because I fucking hate gym.

I hate counting time, lifts, I hate lifting heavy things while I have barely opened my eyes. I gave up many times but my mom just kept bothering me about my fatness so I would hate my body enough to go through that torture again.

She kept waking me up early in the morning (I fucking hate waking up at 6 am) and dragged me to that same boring classes every damn day. 

I learned to exercise until I feel pain because that meant that my muscles were getting stronger and that my fat was melting away (?), but last year the pain went a little too far.

Long story short, I felt a little pain on my right leg that just wouldn’t stop. I didn’t even bother at first because I “knew” it would go away with the time.

However, my feet started hurting too and things started to get pretty bad, once my leg muscles started getting hard like a rock after I exercised (not really like a rock, but that was unnatural). 

Anyway, I decided to give up from bodybuilding and having aerobics two hours a day (can you even imagine this shit…).

Now my leg still hurts whenever I exercise and do you know what my mom says? That it’s happening because I’m fat.

She knows that it all started because I’ve gone far on exercising but she just doesn’t want to shut the hell up about huge belly.

Mom, I love you but well, FUCK YOU TOO!

Now I’m growing quite fat and she is blaming me for eating all the junk food she buys me with her money and not exercising for not having appropriate clothes, shoes (I’m bigger so the old ones won’t fit, tee hee~) and money to pay for stuff I like.

She doesn’t even think that she is the one shaming me about my fatness, saying she is only worried about my health (Your daughter is a fucking NERD, of course she knows how unhealthy her lifestyle is, you idiot!!) and she was the one who encouraged me to over-exercise.

She made me do exercises I didn’t like, she made me almost go too far on that, she made me hate myself to the point that I felt obligated to wake up 6 in the morning and force my body to move for two hours straight (have I mentioned how I hate waking up early?) …

(I’m sorry if this rant is getting out of control, I’m just really mad.)

Anyway.

TL;DR: If you want to exercise, do it. But don’t do it so you can get thin. Don’t force yourself to do shit you don’t really feel like doing just because it might make you lose weight faster. Just do it so you can feel healthy, love yourself and have fun. THIS is the real health you should look for. Don’t listen to what others say about your health. They don’t know shit about you.

(I’m lucky I understood this before I could fuck my legs and feet up.)

Yeah, I think that is all. She still won’t leave me alone and now my father thought it would be a fun idea to pester me too. But whatever, I’m just learning to accept myself how I am. It’s not easy but I’m waiting patiently for a chance of doing stuff I actually like. I won’t destroy my own body for the sake of beauty. Fuck society ~^o^~

So yay for me, for keeping my sanity almost intact despite all the people who try to bring me down! 

/rant