This is not the first time I’ve needed to whinge about my skin conditions.
But this is the first time in ages my seborrheic dermatitis has decided to make a comeback in a way that makes me want to cut my hair off and dunk my head into a pool of milk in an attempt to cool my burning skin.
I have sores. All. Over. My. Scalp.
I woke up this morning to find I had scratched my face until I bled.
The skin around my hairline always takes the brunt of it - around my forehead to my ears, inside them, behind them, below them, along to my jaw.
Last night I pulled my hair back in a futile attempt to stop myself from pulling away flakes of skin that get stuck to my hair follicles, picking at scabs, scratching the burning itch that persistently plagues my entire head. I scratched anyway.
Then came the hives - on my toes, fingers, and behind my knees.
I am blotchy and flaking and burning and sore and tired.
When I get like this, I want to disappear.
When I feel like this, I need to say it out loud so I can remember how bad it gets, and how much worse it could get.
It’s easy to hide away and wrap myself in blankets, hiding the itchy inflamed monster I perceive myself to be from the outside world, but is that what I really want to do?
That has always been my way of dealing with my skin - the hiding and covering and depriving myself. It is so hard to stay positive and careless about what people think when everything about my appearance feels like it’s screaming at those around me to notice.
But the reality is that I’m going to have to deal with these things for the rest of my life and I can’t hide forever.
I am just so utterly exhausted.
Might I recommend raw shea butter as a possible aid to relieving the burning and itching? Shea butter is natural and my first choice when it comes to moisturizers. I use it to treat chapped skin and acne, but I know it is used for a wide range of other skin (and hair) conditions including dermatitis.
Oh, I hadn’t tried that! And I’ve tried just about everything, haha. Thank you so much for your suggestion.
I do find that taking a nice lukewarm shower (hot = hives and cold = unpleasant so I have to be careful with water temperature) and rubbing a little tea tree oil mixed with baby oil into my scalp also helps a ton. I’ve literally had this condition since birth and my mother used to do the same for me when I was a baby, without the tea tree oil.
Honestly, I could keep going on and on for days about the different treatments and things I’ve applied to my skin. I don’t know anyone else in my life who has to deal with these things like I do and I wish I did. It’s so fucking perplexing.
Also, there’s this whole thing where I break out in hives (head, scalp, neck, shoulders, chest) whenever I take aspirin, ibuprofen, and sometimes acetaminophen. While I’ve had chronic hives since I was about 12, this drug reaction thing didn’t start until I about 20. I had migraines and a lot of headaches and I guess maybe taking all those painkillers sparked some sort of intolerance to them in my system and now all of a sudden it makes me break out in hives. I honestly don’t even know, my doctor doesn’t know, dermatologists don’t know, all they say is - You have chronic hives. Deal with it.
I’m sorry, I wish I could stop rambling about this, but oh my fucking god - living in this skin is exhausting as all get-out.