flawlessescape:

redefiningbodyimage:

“Weight does not dictate your health or your worth.”

I find that this resonates well with how I think about weight. First of all, just because someone is bigger and/or heavier does not mean they are more unhealthy. There are people that I know that are “bigger” who work out, are physically active, eat healthy, and continue to be curvy. And you know what, they look damn good, and they feel damn good.

Second of all, (although I hate this word extremely so) I am skinny. I do not eat anything healthy — all junk food, all the time, I haven’t exercised in years, I sit in front of the computer all day, and some people think I’m HEALTHY because I’m THIN?! Are you joking me right now?! I honestly fear that my body will just crap out on me one day because I took such bad care of it. And the honest truth is that it probably will. So do not go around assuming shit about people’s lifestyles because of their weight and making judgements about their health. Chances are you don’t know shit.

I had to reblog this commentary because it’s really relevant to everything I’ve been thinking about lately and it’s just plain and honest and good. Thank you. I will now ramble about things that have been stifling me.

No matter how certain you are that you’ve got it all figured out, having read countless studies and articles reassuring you that fat does not equate to being unhealthy or unworthy, there are still little body-shame blips left in your brain that can pull you backward. There are triggering conversations and “lose weight now!” claims flashing in your face everywhere you turn. There are people in your life aspiring to lose weight, succeeding, and gaining positive attention for having done so, while you’re left wondering and questioning absolutely everything.

I started thinking about getting back into some physical fitness fun-times again due to feeling sluggish, fatigued, sore, and generally unhealthy/unhappy after 5 solid years with nothing but work and school to fill every waking hour. I pondered ways to get started down a path to feeling better and gaining energy at my own pace without reversing all the positive progress I’d made in loving myself. Hell, I’d been an active person for most of my life - why should it be any different now?

Of course, my approach has backfired. My healthy thoughts and desires centered around simply “feeling better” and “improving my health” have somehow turned into persistently destructive thoughts about losing weight. 

Sometimes you just have to except that you can’t totally reverse the body shame that mainstream media, diet culture, family, friends, bullies and misinformed doctors have drilled into you - but you can try.

My biggest struggle has been trying to disconnect my desire to FEEL healthy from this nagging voice coming at me from all sides telling me “if you change your lifestyle habits and make healthier choices, you’re going to lose weight.”

THAT IS NOT ALWAYS TRUE AT ALL.

I should know better than to think this way. Sure, if/when I start working out again I might drop a few pounds, but I am never going to be thin. I know this because I have tried and failed to lose weight more times than I can count and my body firmly refuses to be thin, no matter the circumstances. 

I am not always happy with myself, but I am acknowledging things. I am trying, I am human. I am fat and imperfect and that is beautiful. I know things and I second-guess them, but I’ll be alright in the end because I’m learning in the process.

I will get past these anxieties and do good for my body whenever and however is the best for me because I am the one who knows myself and my body best of all.