redefiningbodyimage:

This is me. I have chronic urticaria. As far as I can tell, anyway - A doctor told me once.

I’ve broken out in hives every day for the past 5 months.

Sometimes it’s just a few lonely splotches. Sometimes it’s like you see in this photo - A little pattern of red dots that cover a hefty portion of my body. Sometimes they morph together, puff up, become inflamed, infect my face, scalp, fingers and toes. Sometimes my lips double their size, my tongue swells and the excess puffy skin around my eyes impairs my vision. That’s when it gets really bad.

I’ve had hives on and off since adolescence. I wrote a bit about that a while back, but I need to talk about it some more.

I’ve gone to so many dermatologists and specialists. I’m going to another one this week and I’m scared. I’ve chronicled every part of my day; the way my skin behaves, when the hives wax and wane.

Tonight it’s not so bad and I don’t feel like a monster, but I often do.

“I can’t go out tonight, I’m covered in hives and going into monster-mode.”

I’ve actually said that before.

It’s strange to finally come at peace with your body, only to be constantly let down by the skin that encases it. So I’m trying to fix that.

just reblogging as a reminder to myself. my hives (cholinergic urticaria, as i’ve come to find out) had mostly vanished during the milder fall months but have now returned with a vengeance as michigan winter approaches.

my progress on learning to love my patchy, sensitive skin will never be easy, but i’m doing little things like not hiding my hives anymore.

the other morning i woke up with solid red welts across my chest and shoulders, like the photo above but magnified 10 times. i made myself wear a swoop-neck dress. it wasn’t so bad.