Redefining Body Image

what’s a safe space? I have both, but i’m not quite sure if I know what you mean.

Just a community or blog or anything where I can speak about my experiences and what I’m going through without fear of being judged.

Hell, if anyone knows of any legit places where I can seek therapy for anxiety in the Detroit area that takes Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO insurance, that would also be fucking fabulous.

I have been to so many therapists and I’m tired of wasting my money without making any real progress. There’s gotta be a place for me that works.

I’ve never been able to find one and I’m tired of putting it on my blog, I need some real interaction and experience-sharing right now. Being among people who truly understand would be helpful.

Can you help me?

red3blog:

randomlancila:

I hate Laci Green, as I said last night.

Most of it has to do with the fact that she KNOWS that she’s a ~popular blogger~ with a lot of people who look up to her, and yet when she does something wrong, and dozens of people call her out on it, she refuses to apologize.

A lot of her stuff has real relevance. Her sex-positive stuff really is informative, and it really is information that NEEDS to get out there, because sex-ed most people get in school and at home is unacceptable.

I actually love her views on veganism, too.

I was even on board with her Fat Shame video at first. Lots of the fat acceptance community were angry with her for not ‘knowing her place’, since she’s obviously thin-privileged and doesn’t personally feel the effects of fat shame. I don’t have a problem with that, I think it’s important that ALL people of ALL sizes speak out against fat shame, because it affects everyone. And she’s got a large audience, so hey, not a problem.

No, what pissed me off was this post (linked complete with my commentary). Which came right on the heels of her fat-shame video. She claims in this post ‘I lost 35lbs by learning how to love and take care of my body!’ This post came complete with progression photos and her ~lifestyle plan~.

Cue a bunch of her followers asking her for meal plans, exercise regimes, and other tips and tricks so that they can lose weight too.

Myself and many other people took issue with this post, and wrote eloquently about how and why it was problematic. We asked for an apology. We asked for an acknowledgment. 

This is what we got. (again, linking it from my blog because a) Laci deleted it from hers, and b) for my commentary)

I’ve had a hard time in the past (and honestly, I still do) apologizing when I’m wrong. I understand that it can be uncomfortable.

But if you want to be ~internet famous~ and you want people to look up to you, you have to accept that what you say WILL fall under scrutiny, and that if you hurt an oppressed group, you NEED to acknowledge it and apologize for it, and try very hard not to do it again. Denying that what you’ve said is problematic is the lowest of the low.

If a slew of members of an oppressed group tell you you fucked up, sit the FUCK down and listen.

I could maybe, MAYBE even forgive her if it was just a one time thing. But apparently shitty apologies are a trend with her, because she did the same thing while talking about Islam, too.

People stan hard for her, so I’ll probably get some negative feedback to this post, but the more I’ve looked, the more I’ve found that many more people than I thought are disenchanted and disgusted with her.

So yeah. Any time she shows up on my dash she gets a disgusted sigh and an eyeroll from me.

This. The diet privilege expressed in her post was considerable. Perhaps first and foremost being the privilege to talk about dieting and weight loss while getting offended when anyone points out you’re talking about dieting and weight loss. Its the privilege to define weight loss as intrinsically self-improvement (gee, where else have we heard that? *cough*Daisy*cough*). Its the privilege to trot out obvious visual references to fat shame like “Before and After” pictures and insist on having no responsibility for the way that shames and stigmatizes people who look more like the “before”. And its the privilege of thin people who think going from thin to more thin makes them experts on why people are fat. It made her protest of fat shaming seem a great deal more hallow with a great many more exceptions and qualifiers.

Wow.

I have no energy to comment on this any further right now, but yeah. Wow.

thelittlestbigspoon:

Ok, this has been bothering me, feminist blogs, so listen up.

You talk about intersectionality. Constantly. I see the word pop up on my dash all the time, and that’s great! 

But here’s the thing.

If you only focus on one or two areas of intersectionality, YOU’RE DOING IT FUCKING WRONG.

Intersectionality deals in a lot of areas. Race, the gender binary, age, weight, economic status, etc. And generally speaking, I think many (certainly not all) people do an ok job at this. Not good, certainly not great, but ok.

You know what else deserves a LITTLE BIT of your focus? Disability.  

And when I say this, I don’t mean just casually adding the term ‘ableism’ to a list of isms. I mean actually take the fucking time to think about it, post about it, and learn about it. 

Another thing that begs to be mentioned is that when you are talking about privilege regarding disabilities, ‘able-bodied’ is not a catch-all term. Because while everyone has a body, there is something else that everyone has. A brain. 

I don’t know if you knew this, but learning disabilities, mental illnesses, and neurological disorders also exist.

Acknowledge them. Learn about them. Talk about them. 

Seriously, if you’re going to talk about privilege, you need to acknowledge everything the word ‘privilege’ encompasses.

That is all.

Truth! Truth! Truth in all ways!

thechocolatebrigade:

yaosnonexistentmanhood:

weetz:

SKINNY GIRL IN SWEATPANTS: OH CUTE. SHE’S LAID BACK, LOW MAINTENANCE, SHE DOESNT HAVE TO GET ALL FANCY AND SPEND TIME DOING HER HAIR (CAUSE SHE’S CUTE WITH A MESSY BUN, AND NO MAKEUP OF COURSE) OR GETTING DOLLED UP.

FAT GIRL IN THE SAME OUTFIT: OH YOU’D THINK SHE COULD PUT IN A LITTLE EFFORT. WHAT A SLOB.

the fact that you have time to bitch about stupid stuff like that means that you have far more privilege than the majority of the people on this planet

please stop 

No. Why should that person stop pointing out privilege where that person sees it? This shit ain’t stupid. It’s hurtful. I’ve had fat friends before go out in public wearing pretty much the same thing as their skinny friends are but because it’s more acceptable for someone who is thin to get away with wearing pajamas, not being done up, messy bun, etc.. they get away with looking like that, but my fat friends? They’re nailed to the cross. They’re told they should go back to bed, that they’re slob, that they’re gross, how dare they go out in public like that?

And unless you’ve been on the receiving end of thin privilege where you don’t benefit from it and you encounter that bullshit all the time you don’t get to sit there and tell that person that what they’re ranting about is stupid.

I will never understand why people choose to be douche bags. Why bother? You know what you’re about to say is super asshole status, but you say it anyways. Why? To stir the pot? To make yourself feel good? To just be an ass to be an ass because it’s the internet and you can get away with it? Or because you truly are ignorant to what the fucking term ‘privilege’ means. That ain’t no concept motherlover, that’s a true, real fucking thing and you must likely have it and benefit from it.

Why is it that when I come to a site claiming to redefine body image, the only thing I feel is more insecure and depressed?

I am a skinny, flat-chested, boy-figured woman and I always have been. Not slim, not slender, not svelte, not athletic. Skin and bones. I have been on the verge of being underweight my entire life despite eating heartily. I am not anorexic or bulimic and have in fact been trying to gain weight (unsuccessfully) for the past three years. I seem to be physically incapable. I am not saying this in a cruel attempt to brag. My body image issues have been a component of my low self-esteem since middle school, for over 15 years.

Ever since I was a teen people have said “I used to be skinny like you” or “I wish I could eat like you and not gain an ounce” and look at me with a mixture of regret, jealousy and quite a bit of hate. It’s all I can do to just sigh and accept it because these are my friends, coworkers and family members. Every time they ask, a little more of my self esteem erodes because they transfer their image issues to me, making me feel bad because they don’t accept themselves. Others constantly ask if I’m eating enough. I’ve had counselors and doctors questions my health, both physical and mental, citing my size.

You call it “thin privilege” when small girls lament the woes of being slim. You say that we don’t understand how it feels to be large, and you’re right. But I look at the same magazines you do and think “That’s not my body shape. If that’s the definition of sexy, if that’s the definition of healthy, I must not be it.”

I’ve spent the last three hours reading through your site and sobbing because I felt ashamed to be thin. I’ve never truly felt comfortable in my body, but I’ve never felt ashamed to be the way I am until reading through this. I love the curvy, confident people on your site. I want to get there. I want to be confident in my skin and positive in my thoughts. I just don’t know how.

And I honestly don’t care if you post this or not.

My heart aches for you. I don’t know where to begin.

This blog is not meant to take on the responsibility of redefining body image for everyone. It’s redefining different aspects, in different ways, to different people. I am constantly redefining what body image means to me. It’s an ever-changing thing based on experience and circumstance. It’s really just me, one person, doing what I can with what I’ve got, while other people submit their experiences and contribute to discussions. I will never claim to have all the answers and solutions to every problem, never ever. That’s just not realistic.

Everyone has been a victim of body shaming, food shaming, body policing, stereotyping, discrimination in some form - all of these things that make us feel our bodies aren’t valid or important or beautiful. People of all shapes and sizes feel the pressure to fit into a societally defined image of beauty and perfection. We are expected to strive for it on a daily basis, and continually do so while blaming ourselves for not crossing that threshold into ideal beauty. But it’s out of reach, because it isn’t real. it isn’t our fault. It isn’t your fault.

Your body image experiences are real and valid and important. These feelings you are harboring about your body are not less important than the feelings fat people have about their bodies. 

Recognizing thin privilege is not about claiming that the “woes of thin people” are less important in any way, not in the slightest.

It just means that when you exist in a thin body, there are certain privileges that come with it that you would not get if you existed in a fat body. That is all. 

When fat activists ask thin people to acknowledge these privileges, it doesn’t mean that we are rejecting or hating on their body type. We aren’t trying to diminish your experiences or body image issues or claim that they are less important. I really hope you can understand that.

Society is systemically and systematically biased against fatness and privileges thinness. That is fact. 

Furthermore, even though I exist in a fat body, I acknowledge there are certain privileges that come with being a size 16/18 as opposed to a size 28. My deathfat comrades have more against them than I do. Acknowledging that doesn’t make my struggles as a mid-range fatty any less important. 

I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could help, but these journeys take time and you will find your footing. I can only encourage you to perhaps seek help in focusing on your mental health. Perhaps you can find solace in speaking to a councilor or therapist about your body image issues. There may be some underlying issues that you’re currently unaware of, and talking to someone can help bring those things to the forefront. 

Take care of yourself. <3

from berryfemme:

tw: anorexia, numbers

i’m not sure what others see when they look at it. perhaps they think i look chubby or fat, or maybe they think i’m slim, thin even. like many people fighting anorexia, i struggle with my perception of my body (i say ‘many people’, because fear of being fat and body dysmorphia are not universal in anorexia nervosa, but present in the illness in cultures where there is a pressure to be thin). if our culture was totally fat positive, i think anorexia and other eating disorders would still exist. but it’s undeniable that diet culture is an initial trigger and it also hinders recovery. 

i have a thigh gap. i weigh 90-something pounds (before you say lol no you don’t, i am 5”2). i am very self conscious about looking a lot heavier than i do. i am aware that if i had a lower body fat percentage i would look thinner (i’m grabbing fat on my hipbone in the picture), but i will still be pear-shaped with small bones. i know i’m not the only underweight person with anorexia who looks ‘healthy’, ‘normal’, etc (note: i’m at an in-between point with my ed which is hard to describe. clinically it might be ednos. i’m not stereotypically anorexic but i’m not normal either)- those words hurt. in case you didn’t know, most people with eating disorders aren’t emaciated. the reality of an eating disorder, despite what some ~awareness~ blogs on tumblr portray with all their black and white images of cadaverous women in their underwear, is looking ‘normal’ whilst going through organ failure, suicidal ideation, being misunderstood, exploited, mistreated by nearly everyone, including the ‘experts’. the severity of an eating disorder, of a person’s suffering, isn’t defined by what they weigh. i can eat cake, raspberry pastries with lashings of cream and maintain a bmi of 17. and my mind is another story. it’s complex. some anorexics reach crazy low weights and the media jumps on them and reports them as being ‘worst case of anorexia in the country’. NO. that person had a resilient body. others will have died before reaching that weight. i think death is pretty severe. others will have started starving at higher weights, and will have slower metabolisms. in treatment we gain weight and people think that means we’re better! nope. and that’s one of the reasons why it sucks when people say ‘you’re looking healthier!’, as well as you mean it, the anorexic mind warps ‘healthy’ to mean ‘fat’, and of course, ‘failure’. what kind of anorexic looks ‘healthy’? not a successful one. ‘health’ is not just physical. it’s mental too.

another thing that isn’t simple is clothing sizes. i have a pair of 00 super-skinny jeans, which i’m wearing in the picture below.

i also have a couple of pairs of 12 panties. i don’t have a picture of myself in those, but i’m not lying, they fit. and they’re 7 sizes larger, and what would be considered a ‘plus size’ in the uk. that would upset your average person, never mind an anorexic. i don’t know my bottom measurements, but it would be physically impossible for them to be 12. the weirdness of those 2 garments doesn’t change the size i am in reality. this was a 5am ramble with 3 points

1. you can’t tell how severe someone’s eating disorder is from looking at them or knowing their weight. really, don’t EVER let anyone tell you you’re too fat to have an eating disorder or that you’re not deserving of treatment or recovery because of it (and that includes you) . you deserve health. they’re ignorant and their ignorance kills people. don’t listen to murderers.

2. you can’t necessarily tell what someone weighs from looking at them (or whether they are healthy)!

3. don’t get upset about the number on your clothes. take into account diversity- the randomness of clothing sizes, and the variety of human bodies, before you judge yourself or others. i’m short, so how on earth is it fair to compare my legs to those of a victoria’s secret model, or even the average woman? even in the same clothing size, my stumpy legs aren’t going to look as thin as those of a girl whose fat is stretched out by her height

ps: please don’t reblog this with ‘bmi is bullshit/bogus/etc’. i find it triggering, and no, i don’t need to justify my triggers to you.

I had an episode of X-Files playing because I love tuning in and out of it while I tap through the photos on my iPhone. I’ve captured my skin, my stretch marks, my body hair, my rolls, my shape, my everything. I study and delete them, study and delete them.

At one point I laid back, put my legs out, placed the camera on my chest and watched through the camera as my belly moved up and down for a large chunk of time.

Studying my own body has become a form of therapy and this is what self-care looks like for me right now:

A coconut lavender tea tree oil hair treatment soaking into my scalp along with the healing powers of Mulder and Scully - and discovering an appreciation for my body through a physical lens while simultaneously nibbling on a biscuit.

What does self-care look like for you?

Email it to Emily McCombs: emily@xojane.com

I had an inkling it’d be as simple as that but wasn’t quite sure, haha thanks!!

dalyn-aurelius:

redefiningbodyimage:

TW: Diet and weight loss discussion

Anonymous message:

So, I know this might garner some backlash, but I wasn’t sure who else to ask.

I work very hard to be extremely accepting of all shapes and sizes and truly believe that the only thing that matters is being comfortable in your own skin. However I am not currently comfortable in MY own skin and for that reason am working to gently and healthily lose body fat. (I think “losing weight” is a misleading term)

How do I make it clear to friends that this does not at all reflect how I feel about them or their bodies? I have a hard time maintaining my “diet” (another word I am not a fan of) around them because they make comments about how I don’t need to diet, how if I’m dieting they should be dieting, how I’m so “good” for exercising so much, how I should just eat one cupcake to make them feel better etc. and I truly feel bad because I don’t feel superior to them in any way because of my life choices. How do I make this clear to them?

I do not believe that dieting and fat acceptance are mutually exclusive because what is important is how YOU feel in YOUR OWN body. I know there is probably no easy answer to this question, but it has been nagging at me for quite a while. 

Well I think it’s great that you want to help make your friends feel comfortable while you make these changes in your life. You are conscious of their bodies and experiences while at the same time want to cater to your own needs and feelings. I love it, that’s the way it should be.

So many of us are used to those friends who annoyingly boast about their diet and fitness regimes whilst simultaneously judging others for enjoying a sammich in their presence. Or those friends who post on Facebook every time they lose weight, eat a salad, or attend a spin class. These people are more interested in seeking validation, encouragement and praise for their “healthy habits” than anything else.

You’re not setting out to do that. You’re already doing it right. What you’re doing is right for you and you don’t want to be pushing that on anyone else, but these things do come up and I can see how it might be an issue.

When dismissing a cupcake, don’t go into the “why” - Just simply say “no thank you”. Most of the time when people dismiss or refuse to indulge in sweets/fatty foods, they often tack on the “why” - “I’m on a diet” “I’m trying to be good” “I really shouldn’t” - and that is where the divide comes in. By focusing on that kind of negativity and food shaming, you make others around you feel uncomfortable or “bad” for wanting to indulge. You may or may not do this already, just wanted to be sure to mention it.

If you are quietly going about these things and keeping your progress to yourself, yet your friends still appear to be offended when you decide not to indulge around them (which I would find a little strange), start a conversation and help to reassure them that what you’re doing is for you and has nothing at all to do with them. Explain your experiences and try to focus on it being YOURS, not THEIRS - how what you decide to do or not do is not meant to dictate their personal decisions. That you encourage them to enjoy all the things they want to enjoy because you want them to be happy. That you hope they will respect your restraint, as you are doing it for your own reasons and no one else’s.

This all just goes back to the thing I feel I repeat on a daily basis - your body is yours and what you do with it is no one else’s business. 

If at the end of it all, your friends still feel uncomfortable - honestly, it’s not your fault. You are doing everything right. You can be the most respectful person in the world, but it is impossible to control the insecurities of others.

I hope I was able to help. <3

Whilst I totally respect someone’s freedom to do with their own body what they want, I also believe dieting and fat acceptance are mutually exclusive. Basically, as The Rotund wrote a while ago: “I believe, on a very fundamental level, that dieting and fat acceptance have contradictory goals. You can’t accept fat and still want to destroy it.”

That doesn’t mean that if you’re actively engaging in weight loss efforts you can’t be respectful of your fat friends and their bodies, it doesn’t mean you can’t see the beauty of their bodies. But it does mean, in my opinion, that you can’t claim to be a part of fat acceptance. I think, rather, it makes you a part of body acceptance and/or size acceptance. Which isn’t the same thing. By actively working to get rid of your own fat you are demonstrating the opposite of what fat acceptance stands for in its very wording.

It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or anything. But… well, if I’m around friends of mine who are actively dieting, I accept their choices, but I really don’t want to hear them talk about their diets. I don’t want to be around them when they talk about calories and portion control and how many pounds they lost today. Hearing that kind of talk from a friend has an immediate negative effect on my own efforts to accept my own fat body. And that is why, in most instances, you cannot diet and be a part of fat acceptance at the same time. Even if you do not engage in diet talk around your FA friends, your behaviour is demonstrating “I do not accept my fat”. And even if you believe that is just true for you and nobody else and it doesn’t make you superior, that belief in its core is still the opposite of fat acceptance.

Lastly, consider that your FA friends live in a world that every day showers them with thousands of messages that they are ugly, lazy, stupid, out of control, undeserving of love and respect, undeserving of proper medical treatment, undeserving of nice clothes and a good job, undeserving of anything good because they are fat. So I’m sorry if their fat positive talk makes you feel bad, but, well, boohoo to you. You are falling in line with what society wants you to do, even if it is a conscious choice that you made 100% for yourself with no pressure from anyone else. If you can’t handle a few ‘eat a cupcake!’ and ‘stop dieting!’ remarks from your FA friends (which is by the way food policing towards you, and not okay), then consider that fat people get told to ‘stop eating all those cupcakes!’ and ‘lose some weight already!’ every single day from a dozen different sources - movies, books, magazines, billboards, friends, family, doctors, teachers, classmates, random strangers.

I think in this case, it’s worth pointing out to your friends that they should not police your body and your food choices, as you do not want to police theirs. Point out the Underpants Rule. And then, stop and please do realize that by dieting and actively working to get rid of your own fat, you cannot be a part of fat acceptance. It’s like claiming to be a vegetarian whilst eating meat. It really is mutually exclusive.

But then - that’s my point of view, and I suppose other FA people may not necessarily share it. They might believe that someone who actively diets ‘just for themselves’ can still be a part of FA. And I would think they’re wrong.

Very interesting and valid perspective. I almost commented on the dieting/FA aspect but wasn’t sure about my thoughts on it. This diagram and associated words have been super fucking helpful. Thank you for speaking on this.

TW: Diet and weight loss discussion

Anonymous message:

So, I know this might garner some backlash, but I wasn’t sure who else to ask.

I work very hard to be extremely accepting of all shapes and sizes and truly believe that the only thing that matters is being comfortable in your own skin. However I am not currently comfortable in MY own skin and for that reason am working to gently and healthily lose body fat. (I think “losing weight” is a misleading term)

How do I make it clear to friends that this does not at all reflect how I feel about them or their bodies? I have a hard time maintaining my “diet” (another word I am not a fan of) around them because they make comments about how I don’t need to diet, how if I’m dieting they should be dieting, how I’m so “good” for exercising so much, how I should just eat one cupcake to make them feel better etc. and I truly feel bad because I don’t feel superior to them in any way because of my life choices. How do I make this clear to them?

I do not believe that dieting and fat acceptance are mutually exclusive because what is important is how YOU feel in YOUR OWN body. I know there is probably no easy answer to this question, but it has been nagging at me for quite a while. 

Well I think it’s great that you want to help make your friends feel comfortable while you make these changes in your life. You are conscious of their bodies and experiences while at the same time want to cater to your own needs and feelings. I love it, that’s the way it should be.

So many of us are used to those friends who annoyingly boast about their diet and fitness regimes whilst simultaneously judging others for enjoying a sammich in their presence. Or those friends who post on Facebook every time they lose weight, eat a salad, or attend a spin class. These people are more interested in seeking validation, encouragement and praise for their “healthy habits” than anything else.

You’re not setting out to do that. You’re already doing it right. What you’re doing is right for you and you don’t want to be pushing that on anyone else, but these things do come up and I can see how it might be an issue.

When dismissing a cupcake, don’t go into the “why” - Just simply say “no thank you”. Most of the time when people dismiss or refuse to indulge in sweets/fatty foods, they often tack on the “why” - “I’m on a diet” “I’m trying to be good” “I really shouldn’t” - and that is where the divide comes in. By focusing on that kind of negativity and food shaming, you make others around you feel uncomfortable or “bad” for wanting to indulge. You may or may not do this already, just wanted to be sure to mention it.

If you are quietly going about these things and keeping your progress to yourself, yet your friends still appear to be offended when you decide not to indulge around them (which I would find a little strange), start a conversation and help to reassure them that what you’re doing is for you and has nothing at all to do with them. Explain your experiences and try to focus on it being YOURS, not THEIRS - how what you decide to do or not do is not meant to dictate their personal decisions. That you encourage them to enjoy all the things they want to enjoy because you want them to be happy. That you hope they will respect your restraint, as you are doing it for your own reasons and no one else’s.

This all just goes back to the thing I feel I repeat on a daily basis - your body is yours and what you do with it is no one else’s business. 

If at the end of it all, your friends still feel uncomfortable - honestly, it’s not your fault. You are doing everything right. You can be the most respectful person in the world, but it is impossible to control the insecurities of others.

I hope I was able to help. <3

I’ve been working on a little something-something and I’d love to submit it to xoJane at some point maybe but I literally can not find a single way to contact an editor or submit writing or anything and I know it must happen because they have guest writers on all the time! What’s the deal, yo?

verybusyandimportant:

When I was little, my God-fearing Gramma Shaw always told me “the sin is in the secret.” This gentle reminder usually pertained to me picking my nose behind the weird little partition in their living room or spilling Barbacide while playing beautician in her in-home salon. It wasn’t a reprimand, really. Despite my mother’s cries to the contrary, Gramma has always been a pretty reasonable broad. At least for as long as I’ve been alive. She didn’t want to punish me or hold my misdeed over my head. She wanted me to stop acting guilty and weird, walking around like a puppy that just shat on the rug, so we could acknowledge the situation, wipe up the mess, and get on with our busy day of causing trouble in the garden and making salmon cakes for Grandpa.

I’ve not been a Christian for at least 10 years, and have generally embraced all manner of sins with arms wide-fucking-open, but that quip is something that has stuck with me. It works. It makes sense. A sin, one against whatever God(s) you believe in or- much more simply- one against your own values, always feels more poisonous when kept secret, echoing in your head. You can convince yourself of stuff that’s just not true, escalating the seriousness or impact, without a third party reality check. Before you come clean you overcompensate to throw people off the trail and to distract yourself from this false feeling of shame that comes along with not the act, but the pitiful attempt at self deception. And that overcompensation inevitably feels disingenuous which makes more shame, more secret sin, that requires more overcompensation until you’re consumed.

These days I’m finding myself feeling pretty consumed.

Read More

hoidn:

so i sent in a comment to redefining body image about using the word cunt in a derogatory manner. hayley responded as did an anon. the specific post i’m referencing is here although this isn’t an isolated incident, which is why i brought it up. my follow up response got too big for the ask box, so i’m creating a new post here.

Thanks for your response! I think you and the anon who posted regarding it might have missed my point a little. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t use cunt at all. I love the word and I use it all the time to talk about my lady bits. It’s a powerful word and I fully support people with cunts taking back the word for ourselves. What I’m saying is that when you use it to describe something bad—like in response to someone talking about the shit she’s gotten for a photo of herself—that’s not neutral and claiming so is disingenuous. You’re not saying “people are great” or “people are neutral”, you’re saying “people are ignorant and rude.” It’s not at all like saying “people are arms” or “people are noses”. There’s a specific derogatory connotation you’re invoking with the word cunt.

Given the flack you got for your “fat is an adjective not an insult” poster, I’d think you’d be the first to agree that words are powerful and don’t exist in a vacuum. It’s great that you and your scottish lad (I have one too!) are comfortable with cunt or twat as an insult between yourselves and that you’re desensitised to that. But why is it insulting in the first place? Because it’s part of a woman’s anatomy and telling someone they’re a woman is an insult. If you call a man a pussy, you’re telling him he’s weak, pathetic, a girl.

I have to go to work now, but I’m happy to continue this conversation in about 12 hours.

No yeah, I understand and agree with your point entirely. My brain is kind of fuzzy today but I thought I was making sense. I think Anon missed the point a bit, was trying to put them back on track.

Most people associate “cunt” with “vagina”. So calling someone a cunt as an insult turns into calling them a vagina, which turns it into an insult and a slant against people who have vaginas. I am not cool with that.

I just also know that there are people who use the word as a noun separate from its association with vaginas, so there are times when they use the word “cunt” negatively without also meaning to use it as an insult against vaginas.

But yeah it’s really toeing a line and is hard to evaluate its appropriacy, so maybe best practice would be not using it in a negative context whenever possible, or like ever again. Bad habits die hard, so on and so forth.

I love this discussion, hands down fave. YEAH CUNTS!!

thisisthinprivilege:

jennylewren:

Anyone who’s spent a fair amount of time living in a fat body understands that when you’re eating something you become hypervisible. That the people around you will scope what you’re eating and cast judgement on you. Often times you can be served the wrong order in restaurants. And sometimes friends or relatives might even make you special “healthy” plates because they are “concerned” for your health. 

And I’m becoming increasingly frustrated by television featuring skinny women who eat copious amounts of junk food and are deemed sexually attractive for it.

Because it’s just thin privilege in action. A fat girl on a television show will be teased and mocked mercilessly for eating large amounts of food or junk food, but if a woman is thin and attractive it distinguishes her as different from the majority of thin and pretty women, women who are portrayed as having birdlike appetites.

Not understanding how it fits into thin privilege? If you are thin, you have the freedom to eat whatever you want without judgement. In fact if you “eat like a fat girl” it’s highly likely that you’ll be deemed as even more attractive.

If you look like Winifred Burkle you will be described as: “A remarkable woman. Particularly the way you can shovel a mountain range of food into your mouth. That is some Olympian feat, that much eating”

If you look like Rory Gilmore, you’ll be able to eat a large amount of junk food and have men tell you that they enjoy the fact that you can eat, or: “half the fun in being with you is the horrified looks on the waiters’ faces.” 

But if you look like Lauren Zizes, the food you eat will define you and be used as comedic relief. You’ll be made fun of for eating an entire box of chocolates and other characters will make comments about you wanting your ”damn candy!” 

If you’re a fat girl eating a mountain of food, you’re not told you’re remarkable or that it’s charming. You’re told that you have no sense of self control and should be ashamed of yourself. You’re told that you’re a poster child for unhealthy lifestyles. You’re called names and probably told much more traumatizing things than I mentioned here.

I mentioned a long time ago that I think one of the reasons why our culture is paranoid about becoming fat and constantly trying to lose weight or demoralizing fat people is because most of society has unresolved issues with regard to their own sexuality. Humans are desiring of flesh, and the fact that fat people have more flesh which is the object their desire, can be deeply disturbing and a hard concept to grasp.

And the more culture I soak up, the more I think that it’s not just about flesh. Food isn’t just fuel for our bodies. Food can be an experience, a trigger for our memories, and an aphrodisiac. I think food plays a much larger role in human sexuality than we give it credit for. 

Too bad it’s only culturally okay for thin people to explore it.

Thin privilege in action: the skinny woman who eats and eats and eats (and usually all the ‘wrong’ foods) and is “aw, so cute/hot!”

While fatter women are subjected to article after article about the ‘reasons’ we’re fat being as finely tuned as finishing the few extra bites of mac & cheese off our kids’ plates, or ordering a medium popcorn at the movies instead of a small, etc etc. 

TW: Diet/weight loss griping

Diet and weight loss ALWAYS come up in the conversation between the ladies in my family and I have to remember to keep my trap shut, otherwise I’ll blurt out some shit and it won’t be helpful.

Like okay, cool, you’re on a diet wherein you consume 500 calories a day and inject/consume hormones produced during pregnancy that supposedly aid in weight loss - although I’m pretty sure you’re rapidly losing weight because you’re depriving your body of the nutrients it needs by restricting your diet to 500 CALORIES A DAY.

As soon as my family member told me about this my mouth literally dropped open. Apparently it’s called the HCG diet? I think I may have heard of it before but I didn’t think I’d ever know someone to actually go to such an extreme. Even with the small amount of research I’ve done, I can tell the diet is super fucking dangerous.

On top of it, you’re telling me about how you monitor your sugar intake and how you restrict your diet while I’m about to happily snag a piece of red velvet cake.

“Well, I don’t weigh myself and I eat what my body tells me. And right now, it’s telling me to eat this delicious cake.”

I am quite firm in my beliefs that what a person does with their body is their own business. I just wish people could find a path to happiness and contentment in their bodies without resorting to such extreme measures to change it. Shit blows my mind.

supersandys-space:

No.

I’m not.

To be frank, I don’t care if I drop dead before the end of this post.

When it comes to death, the only thing I fear is pain; I do not like pain, but other than that, I do not care if I die, even if it is sooner rather than later.

I mean…why should I? Why would I?

The world is filled with people who hate me simply because of my body’s size/shape. The world is filled with people who would be completely happy with me starving/purging myself into a size/shape they deem appropriate…so long as I keep it secret and they can say I’m losing weight to be “healthy.” The world is filled with people who refuse to do research into “the whole fat acceptance thing” (or even take in said research when it’s researched and laid out for them.) The world is filled with people who, with one look at me, label me lazy/smelly/lacking willpower/ugly/gross/clumsy/easy/a burden on the economy/trying too hard/not trying hard enough or, perhaps most annoying of all, pretty…for a fat girl.

So, again, no, I am not concerned about my health, and, more importantly, neither are you. You don’t want me to be healthy, you want me to be your idea of attractive/fuckable, and therefore worth something, and I hereby reject the shit out of that.

Fuck you and your fat hatred/phobia/whatever the hell your issue is. I will not spend another millisecond loathing myself because you think I should. I will live and love my life, and whether or not I choose to be healthy will be my business. I suggest you go and mind yours.

PS: Thanks for contributing to my fucked up mental health with your fat stigma. I know you probably forgot about mental health when you chimed in about my weight, but hey, I get it, the only health that matters is the health you can see!