So tonight I was at the drive in, during intermission, I checked my phone. One of my friends from another city posted this.
I was pretty shocked, because she claims that all bodies are great, while being a rather thin person herself.
Here’s the thing though, aside from the other reasons I will list after this, on a personal level, this is a direct insult, because she’s known me for years, and I have always had (on and off) fake nails, fake lashes, and even once did extensions. So I mean, what the fuck!?
But let’s look at this in a more “grand scheme” sense. I want to know who these “real men” are, and what attributes they have that make them pure and deserving of the affections of others (specifically women in this case). Do they just have to be men? Just show up? Why is it only women who need to prove their “realness”.
Is it maybe because the patriarchy has set it up so that women must attain unrealistic beauty ideals in order to be accepted by society, which include everything from fake nails to breast implants?
Is it because women are socially manipulated into obsessing over their appearance from birth? Think i’m exaggerating? As a child, I was learning from animated DOGS that as a woman, I needed to look good.
All this, to be accepted by a society that spent their entire life telling women they are too ugly without these things, only to turn around and invalidate their personhood because they have internalized these messages and changed their appearance to suit these ideals?
Well that doesn’t seem fair.
society: you’re ugly without make up, you’ll never get a man
girl: *puts on make up*
society: ew, fake, you’ll never get a real man
Do we see the problem here?
And let’s not pretend like men can’t/don’t some preening and primping in order to be viewed positively by those around them, though not nearly to the same degree, and with the same amount of ridicule.
The fake hair, fake nails, fake lashes, and cosmetic surgeries exist, as a direct result of the ridiculous beauty standards set out by the patriarchy, and thus, if you want to talk shit about women altering their appearances for these so called “real men”, maybe you should start blaming these real men.
Let’s pretend for a second that this real man is in the room.
He’s nice, generous, funny, has a job he loves, loving family, and good friends. Sounds good right?
Ok, now let’s say a woman is in the room, and is the exact same as the man, all these things going for her. Pretty neat.
Now let’s imagine she decided to wear some fake nails and get hair extensions, and has had her lips done. Do all these good traits suddenly disappear? Does she stop being kind? generous? funny? do her family and friends suddenly mean nothing to her?
nope. The only thing that changed was “your” view of her, based on your own biases, which are tangled up in bullshit internalized misogyny and respectability politics.
Another 2 important points, are that assuming a woman wants a man is heteronormative as fuck (and frankly I have higher fucking goals than dating some dude, as if that was the be all and end all), and that people can and do alter their appearance for themselves, and not just to gain the approval of others (a shocking concept I know).
The bottom line is, not only is what someone does to their appearance none of your business, but shaming someone because they didn’t follow your personal views on what is attractive/respectable is just shitty as fuck. Also as woman, we have enough people attempting to dictate what is desirable/appropriate for us in regards to our appearance, we don’t need to be turning on each other in some self righteous attempt to pat ourselves on the back for “not being like other girls”.